10 Things I Can't Do When I'm Pregnant

As I was pacing up and down the halls at work today, all of a sudden it hit me. I HAD to pee. Like now. And then once I made it to the bathroom, I thought, gosh, I can't wait until I can pee on my own schedule again. Which got me to thinking, what else will I be able to do again once the baby is born? Of course holding my baby and snuggling with my baby is on the list, but that's so cliche. Let's be serious now. So, in no particular order, I've come up with list of things I can't wait to do again once this little munchkin is born.

1. Go to the bathroom

How about going when it's convenient for me, not when the baby jabs me in the bladder a few times? I still remember how good it felt to empty my bladder *completely* after having JP...amazing. And how about they start making the stalls a little bigger to accommodate my large belly? I have to "suck it in" just to open the door to get out!

2. Sleeping on my belly. 

I've been a stomach sleeper for a long while, and even now, with a belly as big as mine, I still manage to wake up laying on my stomach...eek! Its so much more comfortable than putting a damn pillow between my legs. You try to roll over with that between your legs.

3. Putting on my socks.

I'm sure there is probably a lot of comedy involved in watching a pregnant lady put her socks on, but still...I actually sucked it up and sat down on my bed for the first time to put my pants on the other day. Even that was a struggle. 

4. Standing up. 

I know a lot of you probably take this for granted as you just jump up off the couch to grab your phone. But seriously, if I miss your call, it probably because I either gave up trying to get up, or didn't even bother because I knew it'd be too hard. Needless to say there's a lot of grunting and groaning going on here... And don't even get me started when I lay on the floor. I feel like a turtle upside down on its shell. I actually had to have my husband help me out of the tub once because I couldn't sit up...that was after I had to call him to come home to help...

5. Get rid of my maternity pants. 

I don't know if hate really describes them. They just don't stay up and I feel like a baggy mess wearing them. I don't know if I just bought the wrong size, but seriously. 2 more months...

6. Have a glass of wine. 

Okay yes, I will be breastfeeding but still. After a long day (which I'm sure there will be many), a nice little glass of wine sure would be nice...Those bottles on top of my fridge are calling my name, I just know it.

7. Have a conversation. 

Okay I can have one, but since baby is all up in my business, I have to limit my chat time because if I talk too much all at once, I become short of breath. And then I'm panting like I just got done running, when all I did was tell a short story. Pretty lame. I've had to tell my co-workers quite a few times, "Hold on, let me catch my breath" before explaining the rest of their task...Pretty awesome.

8. Have an innie. 

My belly button popped out right around 20 weeks. And since then you can see it sticking out from under my shirt. I hate it. But more or less those "Looks like your timer popped!" comments. 

9. Shave my legs...and stuff. 

Do I really have to get into this one? Bending over is a struggle as is - should I really have a razor in my hand while I balance on one foot to do it? Yay for a Spring baby! Mommy doesn't have to worry about hairy legs for swimsuit season!

10. Painting my toenails. 

Again with the bending thing. Not worth the energy I have to exert just to have pretty toes. 

And there you have it. What I am looking forward to doing....again...2 more months!

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Tags: Humor, Pregnant

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