So it's official my last couple of days to get everything prepared for my little stinkbugs 1st birthday. As of right now, we have about 70 people that have RSVP'd. Yeah, I told you I was crazy! Not only is this for a 1 year old, who will not recall this birthday...at all! But, it is the first party I have ever hosted. So if it is a doozy, I will cry.
I had a real bad weekend. I'm stressed about this party now that my mania has been long gone for a couple weeks. Then I got my period again...stupid thing just shows up whenever it wants. Guess I can't complain, I did go almost 2 years without it. I was just hoping to go longer because I exclusively breastfeed and I got the damn thing when I was 10 years old, I was due for a much needed break, right!?! Wishful thinking I 'spose!
Anyway, back to my weekend. I had a mega rage which I have average 2 a month since I am not on medication. It was so dramatic I don't even want to discuss it. Let's just say I cracked a rib...It is horrible when I get hurt in them because when I come back to reality I cry and whine for like ever because I am such a baby about getting hurt! But this REALLY hurts! Especially having to pick up the baby. My therapist that I had been seeing says it is completely normal that I only have them when my husband is around because it makes me feel safe and I know I can release my fury onto him. I am sure he wishes that he were not the lucky somebody on multiple occasions. But, luckily they do not last long. This one was very short because I went into a panic attack because of my rib. The panic attack on the other hand lasted at least 10 minutes...they feel like 10 hours though! So that was that and today I woke up on the right side of the bed and feel great. Hallelujah!
I try to be as open as possible about my illnesses. A lot of people are mortified to talk openly about these types of things. Rages especially are very frightening and people like to keep them as hidden as possible. As do I. I feel them coming on and can hold them in for amounts of time. But eventually they do come out. They ALWAYS come out. Here is a little paragraph I found on a site that describes a Bipolar Rage for anyone who is wondering:
"Rage in either type of bipolar disorder includes sudden, unexpected outbursts of anger and aggression. Rage on its own can be diagnosed as intermittent explosive disorder (IED), but people with IED have high rates of bipolar disorder. Individuals with bipolar disorder report rage that lasts less than an hour and is often accompanied by perspiring, chest tightness, palpitations, and twitching. Bipolar rage often causes people to become physically violent. After committing a violent act, some report senses of pleasure and relief, followed by feelings of regret and remorse."
Health Guide Info, http://www.healthguideinfo.com/bipolar-disorder/p115768/
So that's that! My weekend in a nutshell...