Today I had another visit with my beloved Dr. Vein. I went into the appointment with my head in the clouds - tired from another almost sleepless night (Merci Small Fry). Getting my legs poked and prodded with her magic needle pretty much brought me back to earth, and boy, was I sure glad I was back! Dr. Vein inspired me to take charge of my mommy life. In fact, I'm sure lots of mommies feel the same way. It doesn't matter whether you live in Paris, London, Milan, or Chicago - there comes a time after sacrificing so much for your kids when you have to start focusing on you.
It all started with a small comment I made about her gorgeous and very sexy snake skin boots. Dr. Vein told me that I should spruce myself up instead of running around looking like an American all day. I was a bit offended by that comment - guess she made it because I arrived looking the opposite of chic Parisian - in big American running shoes.
I saw her eyeing my body, and well, the good news is that the extra baby fat around my belly isn't fatty! It's loose muscle according to Dr. Vein. The best way to put it back in place is with a bit of plastique surgery. Not lipo, but a petite procedure that will thread my tummy muscles back to where they were pre-pregnancies. Sounds good to me! I may just consider it since all the exercising, dieting, and stomach crunches seem to have zero impact.
I know what you must be thinking, "Why is La MOM taking plastic surgery advice from a phlebologist?" Well, it turns out she's had the procedure herself and after three kids her tummy is looking mighty fantastic (even if the rest of her is a bit boulotte).
Next was a lecture on body hair removal. Dr. Vein recommends that every mom should RUN, not walk, straight to the dermatologist and laser away body hair - specifically in the armpit and minou (Not gonna translate this one for you - hint: this animal says, "meow.") regions. She even showed me her minou! Dr. Vein pulled up her little black dress to reveal a very manicured ticket de metro (No joke, the French call this type of bikini wax a metro ticket...nice visual huh?). She said, and I quote word for word, " C'est lisse comme la peau d'un bebe" (translation: It's as smooth as a baby's skin). Well, I wasn't going to touch it to find out, but it looked great and she hasn't had to shave down there since she lasered it away EIGHT YEARS AGO.
Dr. Vein congratulated me on taking the first steps to maintaining moi by removing the unsightly spider veins from my legs and she made sure to stress that mommy maintenance doesn't stop there. At least not in Paris. Especially if you want to keep looking sexy for your man.
Now maybe Dr. Vein's mommy maintenance suggestions are a bit over the top and probably a wee bit expensive, but in principle she's right-on and totally inspiring. It's time to take care of me! That's what I'm going to start doing as of now.
Thank goodness Big Cheese agrees with the saying "Happy Wife Happy Life" - I may just get my tummy thread and laser procedures as Christmas gifts this year.