No, I'm not talking Janet-style (Miss Jackson if you're nasty) although she may have been on to something. I'm talking about how much simpler life would be if we could just nurse our babies through high school. I was reminiscing with one of my close girlfriends today about breast feeding our sweet babies and how they're growing up too quickly. It was so much easier to "parent" my girls when I was nursing them. If they fell down and got a boo-boo, couldn't sleep, were having a bad day, got a shot at the doctor's office, etc. all I had to do was pop a boob in their mouth and everything was magically all better! Now I have to counsel them, say exactly the right thing, and implement mommy wisdom to solve their woes.
Imagine how much easier it would be if you could nurse your kids through all of the bumps in the road as they grow up?
- Best friend doesn't want to be friends with your daughter anymore? Pop a boob in her mouth.
- Your son failed a big test at school? Pop out that boob.
- Bad dreams, chicken pox, ingrown toenail? Where did I put that boob?
- Low SAT scores... oh wait, if you nursed your kid through high school they would be Steven Hawking smart since breast milk is supposed to boost their IQ! So this one wouldn't be a problem.
Think how much simpler marriage would be if you applied the same principal? Hubby had a bad day at work? Get out the boobs! Hubby's fantasy football team isn't doing as well as he would like? Break out the boobies. Now that I think about it, isn't that one of the secrets to a successful marriage? Maybe I'm on to something here myself.
Excuse me, I think I just deleted an important Word document on my husband's laptop. Where's my Wonderbra? I have to go take off my shirt.