When I was pregnant with Nathaniel I was two weeks overdue and had convinced myself that there was a good chance that I would be pregnant FOREVER. Perhaps I’d incubated the one baby that would be perfectly content to stay in my uterus and could only be pried out with the words, “It’s time to leave for college, you little freeloader!”
During that last two weeks I had a lot of VERY strange dreams. There was the one where I was trying to get in an elevator and my belly didn’t fit (and if you ever saw a picture of that gut, you’d understand why I dreamed that) and the door kept opening and shutting on my baby belly….then when the baby was born it had two gigantic dents in the side of its head. There was the one where I dreamed I could reach inside my belly button and pull the baby out so that I could play with it and cuddle it and then just shove it back in when ever anyone came around.
And I was still allowed to TAKE the baby home from the hospital!
But last night I’d perused a website and clicked on a video and beheld a sight that tormented my dreams in a fresh new way of horrible. I have small children, I’m very familiar with Noggin,. I’ve tripped over a shoe, racked my knee into the coffee table and nearly killed myself more than once trying to reach the remote to turn THIS show off. Yo Gabba Gabba. Yet, last night I let myself be lured into clicking into a youtube video and watched the most inane bit of tv programming ever to hit HDTV. It is 2 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
In my sleep I kept hearing, “So yummy, so yummy!” and I kept getting up to turn it off, only to realize I was asleep and I couldn’t turn it off. Then my dream self would go back to sleep only to “wake up” to that song again…and on and on.
I once stayed awake for 3 nights straight after watching Nightmare on Elm Street 3. This was worse.
Growing up, you might remember a time in your life when the only thing scarier than the boogeyman was your dentist. Over the years, you grew to appreciate your dentist and his or her service to your dental health, however, it did take you some time to grow into that mentality. Give your kids a…