After I posted my last blog, I felt this great sense that I had done something that would really help my recovery... and maybe I felt overly confident or maybe I had just too many thoughts and emotions dancing on the surface.. whatever the case, I did a very regrettable thing...
I picked a fight with my husband. And I knew it was wrong as the words escaped my mouth.. It was almost like watching it happen in a movie on slow motion... one by one they flowed out of me and I knew I was wrong, but it was too late. So did I stop there and say "wait a minute, I don't really mean this?" Of course not, I said them so I was committed right? Then I had to act like a drama queen... I knew I was acting like a fool even as I did it... so as I sulked I began to feel like a total moron.
And then my husband came to where I was, and he did what he had every right to do, he called me out for my outburst. And I could not even defend myself, because he was right and I knew it. I knew it before the whole confrontation even began. So I told him he was right. I am not sure if he expected me to say that, but it was true so what choice did I have?
It turned out to be a good thing in the end, because we talked.. and talked.. and its good to know that no matter how horrible a situation seems, that we can work it out, and neither of us are "inactive" participants in our marriage. And I apologized to him for doing this to our family.