Dear Liquor Store,
Perhaps you may have heard some rumblings about the impending summer vacation that's about to pounce on the town here any day now. Yes, kids will soon be out terrorizing the streets and pimping lemonade hardcore on every effing corner. They will be changing their clothes 357 times a day, thereby creating even more ginormous piles of laundry. They'll be eating everything in sight while complaining that there's absolutely nothing to eat in their homes. And they will be beating the ever-loving shit out of their siblings every hour on the hour. Furthermore, they will be following their parents around like lost puppy dogs whining that they're bored and can't find a single thing to do, while an entire playroom of toys sits completely untouched.
This, my friend, is why parents everywhere are counting on YOU to keep us stocked with our necessary survival tools. Whether it be Mr. Beam, Mr. Cakebread, Mr. Patron, or Mr. Grey Goose, we desperately need you to make sure all are present and accounted for. And when we come stumbling in through your front door looking dazed and confused and our hair looking like rats' nests, please don't judge us, but rather, have pity on us and help to try and lighten our mood. Free samples would be an even better idea. So cheers to making it through the next couple of months without killing anybody.
Nucking Futs Mama