A Note To Myself - After a Pregnancy Loss

The following is a note I wrote to myself on October 5th, 2007, 5 months after we lost our little girl Tobee at 5 months into the pregnancy.  I re-read this today while going over some of my notes in an attempt to remember her, the 5 months she was growing inside of me, and the 5 months of ups and downs hoping every time we had an ultrasound (and we had a lot) that her heartbeat was stronger and she was growing bigger and catching up.  Sadly after years of infertility and finally getting pregnant we lost her on June 2, 2007.  I admit that I am sitting here today after all our Valentine morning hoopla with the kids and I can’t help but think of her and if she were here with us today she would be turning 5 this year!  

A Note To Myself:

Today I watch you cry, I see your sadness and try to avoid the reasons why.  I want to be there for you but I can’t figure out how to separate the two.  I don’t know how to be the strong one when I am also the weakest I have ever been.

I want to hold you hard and love you so much that any hurt you have ever had would be forgotten.  I want to make your tears stop their endless flow and I want to take that painful lump that travels its way through your body and crashes into your heart everyday, away.  I want to put my hands on you and help you to breath, allow the pain to leave, fix you.  If I was stronger I would gladly devour all your aches, all your tears, all your ugly cries, all your moments of despair and if I was really, really, really truly able I would take away all your moments of desperation and tell you to hang on one more day.

I am so sorry that I can not save you today.

Views: 5

Comment

You need to be a member of Mom Bloggers Club to add comments!

Join Mom Bloggers Club

Be a Part of Something Special for Social Good

We are putting together one of the largest projects on behalf of the world's poorest mothers, newborns, and children and need your help. JOIN OUR PRIVATE GROUP to learn more and to get involved.

Advertisement

MARKETPLACE

ADVERTISEMENT

Link to Us

Loading…

© 2014   Created by Mom Bloggers Club.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service