Ahh,

Ahh, apartment life. Easy access to everything I need in town, an office with maintenance men to call whenever something breaks, a community pool during the summer, a dozen people piled into one apartment building with paper thin walls. Yep, apartment life.... SUCKS!!! My sister, kids and I live on the bottom floor, and because of that, I know the following things about my upstairs neighbors:

  1. They wake up precisely at 6:26 in the morning. How do I know this? Because their alarm began going off that early this morning. It's one of those annoying ones that goes 'Beep, beep', pauses, 'Beep beep', pauses... Thanks for the free wake up call and all, but this is NOT the Holiday Inn Express. I'm not due to wake up for another hour.
  2. They are HUGE music fans. I mean BIG. They start playing music at 9 in the morning (though it's 7:30 now and I'm hearing something from up there... no, wait... that's cartoons), and don't stop until 11 at night. BIG music fans. In fact, I should check and see if maybe Jay Z is the tenant upstairs, or maybe Eminem himself, because seriously, who blares music THAT loud for THAT long that isn't trying to promote themselves or make money off of it somehow.
  3. Around 2:30-3 o'clock in the afternoon they get really active, maybe because the kids get home from school around 3:30-4. I'm thinking there's either a spider on the ceiling they are jumping on the bed to try and kill with a shoe, or maybe it's some spiritual meeting, because every now and then I can hear 'Oh God'. But, whatever it is, it only lasts about 10 minutes... must not be that entertaining.
  4. I'm pretty sure they are training for a marathon, because they run from one end of the apartment to the other in the evenings, over and over again.
  5. They prefer to do laundry on the weekends, in the evening times. And whatever laundry detergent they use smells amazing. I must ask them sometime...
  6. Someone in that apartment takes a shower at the exact same time I do in the mornings. It always freaks me out for a second, because I think, 'Wait, if I take a shower now, my hot water will run out quicker.' Then I have to realize that each apartment has it's own water heater, so... yeah. I usually haven't had my coffee at that point in the morning.
  7. Dinner is usually around 6 at night, sometimes a little later, and because they keep their balcony door open, you know, so everyone can hear the music they are obviously promoting, when I'm sitting on my porch I all of a sudden start wondering if my sister has taken it upon herself to start cooking dinner. I get excited, because it smells amazing. Then, I head in to my apartment to find nothing cooking. Son of a.... fooled again.
  8. They enjoy action movies at night, you know, stuff with explosions, intense music, fight scenes. Either that, or they like to blow things up in their apartment. I'm gonna go with the TV making all those noises, though, to save myself an anonymous tip to a home security hotline.
  9. Every once in a while they invite either the 500 lb beared lady, Bigfoot, or a clown with big shoes, over. Like right now, it sounds like Bigfoot is helping them train for that marathon. Good gracious I hope it's soon, because they need to give it a rest.
  10. They don't argue much, in fact, I hardly ever hear them actually speak to themselves. I hear the kids every now and then, but as far as human to human conversation, there's barely any. Oh my gosh, it just hit me... they are robots...
Become an Inklinger at The Inklings of Life

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Tags: apartment, home, humor

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