Bootcamp - A New Form of Torture

Let me just start out by saying that I hate exercise! I am not one of those people that will talk about the Endorphin rush, mental clarity, or sense of accomplishment that comes from a difficult work out. For me, exercise is a necessary evil - a means to an end, kind of like bikini waxing and childbirth. Exercise is just one more thing on a already long list of chores that needs to be done everyday - it ranks right after locating and cleaning up the unknown smell in my mini van and right before poking myself in the eye with a sharp stick. Having said that, I recently attended an exercise class called "Mommy Bootcamp", I think a more accurate name should be "Mommy wishes she was dead camp". I don't need to explain the details of the class, however I knew after the first 45 seconds that I was in WAY over my head. By the time the class was finished my legs could no longer support my body weight and my arms hurt so much I thought I might have to ask another "Mommy" if she would mind lifting them up and placing them on my steering wheel so I could drive home.

Luckily the kids were already in bed when I got home, because it took every ounce of energy I had left to extract myself from my sweat drenched clothes, crawl over to the Advil (which I swallowed with no water because it made me nauseous to think of going downstairs for a glass), and collapse into bed. Of course at 2:00 am, Mr. 2-year old had a nightmare and started to cry. I sat up swung my legs over the edge of the bed and fell down as soon as my feet hit the floor. I guess in my comatose state I had forgotten about the work out and when I tried to stand on my legs the pain was so excruciating that it actually took my breath away. I used my super-human Mom strength to get myself into Mr. 2-year old's room to calm him down and I ended up sleeping in his rocking chair the rest of the night because I could not bear to make the return trip to my bed. The next morning was not any better. I quickly realized that leg muscles are key in going from a standing to seated position on the toilet. The trip back up from the toilet was no treat either, and let me just say I was impressed at how much weight the toilet paper holder could bear. My stomach muscles hurt so much when I breathed that I was convinced I had some how punctured my lung, perhaps it was the 3,000 push ups I did or maybe it was the fall I took during the night . Additionally, I had a pain in my shoulder that was so excruciating that if I did not know better I would have sworn I had been stabbed in my sleep. I endured several days of agony from my bootcamp experience mitigated to some degree by Ibuprofen and I must admit a few glasses of wine.

I always tend to be a little over zealous when it come to exercise. I think that is a nice way of saying that I have a fairly warped perception of my abilities. You do not have to be a genius to figure out that a "bootcamp" class is going to be difficult ...the level of intensity should be obvious given that bootcamp is used to prepare people for WAR. I think I have attended my last bootcamp class, and unless there is some crazy twist of fate and I am forced to join the armed forces (heaven help us) I think I will leave bootcamp to the professionals.

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Comment by Tanya @jobtitlemom on June 2, 2009 at 3:53pm
Your blog made me laugh. I know the pain you endured isn't funny but I liked the way you said it. Funny. Good for you for doing the class though. Shame you knew from the get go that it weren't for you - that's the worst feeling in the world. I think I would have walked out though saying that I did a similar yoga class that nearly killed me and if I wanted to walk I would have left just one other person in the class. We both agreed that we would not be coming back to this class again. Why don't you try running instead. It's free and you can do it at your own speed. I started walking at first and then gradually started running. I run 4 times a week, first thing in the morning before the house wakes up.
Check out my site - idonotlikethisjob.com for more info - there's a running section there. Going to check out your blog now.

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