I don't drink coffee. I've said those words so many times over the last decades. Those days are over. A weekend trip to Kona on the Big Island has changed everything. Russell's uncle grows his own coffee beans in his yard. He made me an espresso with a spoonful of brown sugar and I was hooked.

Since returning home, I've been trying all sorts of coffee preparations and flavors. I'm 42 years old and actively pursuing a vice.

I'm also trying to drink more water. Previously, my liquid diet consisted of wine and diet coke. Period. I'd drink water if and only if it was in the form of an ice cube in my diet coke. Obviously this isn't good for me. So, I've been forcing down the H2O.

Drinking more water has led to more trips to the bathroom which has led to me loving myself more.

Let me explain.

Many months ago I started doing 4-minute mirror affirmations. Staring at myself in the mirror, looking into my own eyes, and telling myself over and over again that I loved myself.

"I love you," I would say. If I was feeling particularly jaunty, I might give myself a wink. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

When I first started doing mirror affirmations, it was hard. I didn't believe what I was saying to myself. It felt like a lie. I would also get distracted.

"I love you. I love you. Where did that wrinkle come from? Eek. Don't get distracted. I love you. I love you. Really, what the hell? I swear it wasn't there yesterday! I love you. I love you. I love you."

I continued the practice and incorporated it with other mindful activities designed to make my life amazing and eventually, I started to believe it. It got to the point where anytime I would go into the restroom at work, I would take my phone, set the timer, and squeeze in four minutes of my own personal love-fest.

"Hey, I love you! Yep, you kinda rock!" Wink.

I became comfortable with loving myself.

So, of course, what happens whenever you get comfortable with something? You take it for granted and you get lazy.

As I mentioned above, because I was drinking more water, I was making more trips to the bathroom. This gave me more opportunities to do my mirror affirmations. My work ethic, however, does not allow me to take multiple 4-minute breaks during the day. I got into the habit of doing affirmations every time I went to the bathroom but only for 30 seconds or so.

Pee. Flush. Wash hands. Glance at mirror. I love you-I love you-I love you. Return to office. Work for thirty minutes. Get that nagging feeling. Stand up from desk and sigh. Pee. Flush.... you get it.

When I started drinking coffee, I found myself spending an insane amount of time traveling between my office and the bathroom. It was getting ridiculous. I couldn't even sit through a meeting without having to excuse myself.

I started wondering if I could cut back on the water because coffee is, after all, mostly water. But then I had in the back of my head that coffee is a diuretic, and therefore, I probably should be drinking MORE water than before. But heck, I couldn't do that. People were going to suspect that I had a drug problem, always sneaking off to the bathroom! But I didn't want to cut back on the coffee because I was already addicted to it! Hmmm... maybe I do have a --- never mind, that's neither here nor there.

I was pondering all of this a couple of weeks ago at work. It was 10:20 a.m. and I was just completing my fourth trip to the bathroom when I found myself staring into my own eyes in the mirror, silently repeating to myself all that I knew to be true. As I looked into my eyes, I felt odd. Something wasn't right. The affirmation wasn't giving me that warm and fuzzy feeling it usually did. Something was wrong.

What was it?  I took a step back. Blinked. It came to me. The reason I wasn't getting the normal feedback from my affirmations was because I had unwittingly changed the affirmation itself. I hadn't been saying "I love you" to my reflection. I had been staring lovingly into my own eyes and silently repeating, "Coffee is a diuretic. Coffee is a diuretic. Coffee is a diuretic."


Recommended wine: Did you know that coffee is the new wine? Recently Russell and I spent a leisurely morning at Island Brew Coffeehouse where our good friend and part-owner, Charles Asselbaye, prepared a blind taste test for us. We compared Russell's Uncle's coffee to two other brands. Each was unique and had it's own punch. And we each chose a different winner.  Since I know even less about coffee than I do about wine, I'm going to recommend that you visit my friend Charles yourself and let him set you up!


 

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For more, please visit It's Not Wine, It's Mommy Juice!

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