God and I had a little discussion recently... it went something like this...
Me: ARGHHH these kids are driving me NUTS!@#^@%$*#&@%$&#
God: they are beautiful wonderful gifts from me. be thankful. stop your whining.
Me: but they won't leave me alone for even a second!! I am NEVER going to get everything done around here. And I never get any time to myself. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself!
God: You have them with you. Be thankful. They could be gone in an instant.
Me: yes. you are absolutely right. I suck. I AM so very thankful for them. I don't know what I would do without them. They are pretty darn cute aren't they?!
God: ya. You might want to think about actually spending some time with them.
Me: What are you talking about? I am a stay-at-home mom, I am with them ALL THE TIME!
God: Being with them is not the same as BEING WITH THEM.
God: What is your most important job? Is it cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and all that other stuff? Is it doing your blog stuff? Or is it your kids?
Me: the kids. for sure the kids. But if I don't do that other stuff it won't get done. And then the house will explode. And I'll go insane with no adult conversation. And if I am an insane woman living in a filthy house I certainly won't be taking good care of the kids.
Me: wanna send me a maid? and a check for about a million bucks?
Me: ya, I thought you would say that. So how do you suggest I get everything done at once? I'm not exactly super mom.
God: You can do all that stuff and still be present for your kids.
God: you are a little slow on the uptake today. Did you get enough sleep last night?
Me: no. I haven't gotten enough sleep in 7 years... since you sent me that first perfect gift named Aiden.
God: ya. I knew that. I know everything. You're pretty funny when you are sleep deprived.
Me: ya. Hysterical. What were we talking about again?
God: You being present for your kids.
Me: oh ya. right. So what is your point?
God: You just need to change your mindset. Stop thinking of them as interuptions to your day. Realize that they are EXACTLY what you are supposed to be doing with your day. Everything else is less important. If you think that they are a hindrance to your real work you will be annoyed every time they interrupt you. If you realize they ARE your real work- not to mention an amazing gift- you will treat them like I want you to treat them.
Me: I feel like a jerk.
God: that's ok. I love jerks too. And everyone needs a little kick in the pants now and again.
Me: I suck.
God: stop talking about my kid like that. I made you and I don't make junk. So there.
Me: ok. ok. ok.
God: so what are you going to do differently this year?
(ok, so that is a rather loose paraphrase of the conversation since I didn't actually hear the audible voice of God... but wow would I ever like to... but that is not the point... the point is that is the basic idea that God communicated to me).
So here is what I came up with!
Now that my two sons are both in full time school I am going to rearrange my days. I know that I have a lot to do (man do I ever know that) but I really really really know my boys need me after school ends each day. SO I am turning off the computer from the time school lets out until they go to bed and lessening my general busyness during that time.
In theory I will have plenty of time to get most things done during the day while they are at school. Olivia does still command a fair amount of attention but she likes to "help" me clean the house and stuff... she thinks its fun. I'm sure that will wear off someday soon but for now it is working for me. Granted her help mostly just makes more work for me but she is darn cute doing it. And she does nap some days too so that will be nice. And of course she has regular play-dates with Grandma too :).
Olivia will be starting 3 mornings of playschool soon (2 weeks away) and then I will have 6 hours per week kid-free. SIX HOURS!!! Just imagine the things I can accomplish in SIX whole hours?!?! The thought of 2 hours of time just for me in a day blows my mind.
Seriously, I can't even imagine what that feels like right now.
Of course Doug's office is in our house so I won't be completely alone. Unless I kick him out during that time. Which I might do. (and yes he reads my blog- hi honey! I love you! But I REALLY REALLY REALLY want some time all by myself this year ok? ok).
I am not saying I will be focused 100% on the kids for 5 hours straight each night... but I am going to try and be PRESENT and AVAILABLE to them.
Because if I DON'T change my mindset their constant interruptions just annoy me and I get frustrated. And that's not cool. They are SUPPOSED to interrupt me. They are SUPPOSED to tell me long rambling stories about nothing. They are SUPPOSED to want me to play with them. And I don't want to make them feel like they can't do that just because I have a list ten miles long that never seems to get shorter. Because I know that if I don't get it done today it will all still be waiting for me tomorrow... which is a little depressing so I am just not going to think about it!
I don't want my kids to look back at this time of their lives and think that I was always too busy doing housework or working on the computer to spend time with them. They are the reason I am a stay-at-home mom and I want them to know they are totally worth it!