Well, they are back! The Transformers are waging another battle of good vs. evil on the big screen. This means that we will get a chance to witness the Autobots and the Decepticons duking it out under the guise of sending a positive message about how good always prevails over evil, and as a bonus blowing A LOT of stuff up in the process. I would not care about this in the least except that along with the new movie the new Transformer merchandise has landed. I am especially irritated because I have already done my time in Transformer Hell. I spent about 6 months of last year with the Transformers, including a Transformer Birthday party, and a very frustrating Christmas morning with Optimus Prime (thanks a lot Santa). I studied nonsensical directions and spent hours manipulating microscopic robot pieces in an attempt to assist Mr. 5-year old with the transformation process. Anyone who has ever spent time at the mercy of an Autobot or Decepticon knows exactly what I am talking about. Transformer instructions are nothing but a cruel joke and a conspiracy to make moms everywhere feel stupid and technically inadequate. On more than one occasion I have looked around while I was diligently trying to decode the instructions because I was sure that I was being punked. I honestly think I could transform my mini van into a robot with less difficulty. The recommended age on the Transformer instructions says 5+, however, it turns out that the + is actually a PhD in Mechanical Engineering (probably from Harvard).
I was relieved at the beginning of the year when the fascination with Transformers was replaced by Star Wars; and although I did not particularly enjoy all of the light saber fighting, the Darth Vader impersonations and the fact that I always had to be Yoda, at least it never drove me to screaming a profanity over a plastic robot part.
But alas, it begins again! There are new, more powerful, and although impossible to believe more complicated Transformers to be had. So it appears that I will spend the remainder of the summer battling these wee beasts in an attempt to gain superiority. I am going to remain calm and use my superior intelligence to show the Transformers who is boss. If that fails I'll use a hammer as a back up plan!