I came across some of my old journals.
It was so weird looking through them. (I know I have tons more
I was a really great chick! I was so confident and smart. I wrote about wanting Gman in my life. I also wrote about Ed, a male friend I had at the time.
Both Gman and a cousin have always said this guy had a huge crush on me. My cousin was convinced that he was in love with me. She said it was the way he looked at me. I thought Gman and my cousin were
both nuts. Sure I hung out with Ed (a lot) but usually we were with
another chick. Actually, he told me he was crushing on her.
He was attractive, funny, worked two jobs. He was always so sweet a caring. I never lead Ed on. #1 - I told him I hoped Gman and I would turn into something serious. #2 - Ed and I
worked together and I told him a relationship with a co-worker would be
too weird. #3 - Ed slept with my cousin in high school. Even though he
and I didn't know each other then, I just could NOT sleep with someone
who had his way with someone I know, let alone a relative. Talk about
The last time I saw Ed was at our wedding. I tried calling him a few times after but his mom would only say he didn't
want to talk to me. No reason given. I sent him and his wife (same
page) a MySpace friend request. Per my email, they accepted. When I
went to leave a comment saying "Hi" they had blocked me! Both Gman and
cuz think this validates their crush theory.
I've seen Ed's (and wife) FaceBook page. I haven't tried to contact them. Maybe if Ed had his own page. By the way, what's with the same page deal? Kinda insecure don't you think? Gman and I have
separate MySpace and FaceBook pages. He has old high school female
friends (and girlfriends) as friends on his pages. I mean, if they're
gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you. (btw, I only have male and
female friends on my pages)
Anyway, as I'm reading through this journal with a new perspective, I think Ed really did care about me. Why didn't I see it then? He called, he came
over, he cooked for me. At one time I couldn't afford and phone and he
said he missed me. How could I NOT see?
To me, this validates my love
for Gman. Boy, love really is blind. All I could see was Gman. I
still love him with all my heart. He drives me BANANAS! But he's mine.
I have thought about Ed through the years. I miss his friendship. It's unfair that he should leave my life without warning or reason. Why do friends leave?
.... or do we leave them?