Dear Sanctimommies, Stop Saying "Know Better, Do Better" Before I Punch You in the Mouth

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I never knew the phrase, "Know better, do better", would evoke such disgust in my mind before I had kids.

After I gave birth to my daughter and began joining mom/parenting groups, I saw that phrase EVERYWHERE. It was like a disease spreading through all the lips of the mothers who don't think their shit stinks. You often see it when a sanctimommy is telling another mom that she is doing it wrong, after the mom asks for advice(a lot of times the advice is given without being asked).

For example:
"Hi moms! So my little sweetheart is resisting being on his back at bedtime and constantly rolling over. He's four months old and I'm losing sleep over this because I constantly rush in to flip him back over all night long! I've decided that he must prefer that way and I'm going to stop what I'm doing. Anyone else ever in this situation?"
Sanctimommy: "First of all, DO NOT STOP FLIPPING HIM BACK OVER! Yes, this is exhausting, but you can get through this, Mama! PM me if you want and I can give you a ton of facts about the connections between sleeping on their tummies and SIDS. When you know better, you do better! :)



The phrase just screams, "I'm a sanctimonious bitch, and if you don't do it my way, you're wrong!"  Whatever happened to minding your own business? What if your "better" doesn't work for someone else? Does that truly mean that the other mom loves her child less?

Here are the topics I see the phrase connected the most with:

  • Breastfeeding: If a mother decides to use formula, so what! Ok, so thanks for giving me all your bullshit facts about breast milk, but I "know better" and my daughter will not survive without this "poison".  WHY IS IT YOUR BUSINESS HOW I FEED MY CHILD?
  • Vaccines: Vaccinate/don't vaccinate. Do your own research and what you think is best for your child. WHY IS IT YOUR BUSINESS WHAT GOES ON AT MY CHILD'S PEDIATRICIAN?
  • Circumcision: If I have a boy one day, WHY WILL IT BE YOUR BUSINESS WHAT I DO WITH HIS PENIS?



The list goes on an on. These sanctimommies think it is their mission to save all the babies in the world whose parents are "big failures". In their eyes, it is not a problem to go up to a perfect stranger to set them straight, and then feel pissed and confused when the confronted gets defensive. They can't see that it's none of their business since it's not their child. As long as a child is being taken care of and loved, who cares how they eat, where they sleep, if they are transported via stroller or carrier, if they're intact or not, if they're vaccinated or not, how long they rear face in the car, etc. etc. ETC.

Dear sanctimommies, you're not perfect, so stop acting like you are! Worry about your own damn child and put aside your judging, my-way-is-the-only-right-way attitude! No child is the same, and no mother is going to parent the same. Once you "know better", you can stop being a bitch.

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