Did I ruin my children's future relationships?

I always wondered if the future relationships our children have can be easily affected by the way we as parents handle our own relationships. If it is, is there some way to fix that?

During my senior year of high school, I became pregnant with my first child. My relationship with her father soon ended after she was born because things just did not work out and I did not get along with his mother because she basically tried to be my daughter's mother. I reconnected with an old grammar school friend months later and we married each other, had a son who was born too early and he passed away. Things between us became a little hard because we did not know how to handle our loss or talk about it. I became pregnant with our second son who is 4 months now. 

Our relationship went down hill fast after our son was born. He was always angry, putting me down, and I just couldn't take everything and we separated. We are now getting divorced. I am in my early twenties and I feel that I should never date again or want a relationship again because if I find a great man (right...) then that would mean another baby with a third man. And whose to say that would last? I made mistakes I know, but I just can't help but to think that my children will be hurt by this and have loads of problems with their future relationships. How will I be able to help them with this? I know I have to let them live their own life and learn from their mistakes but if the things I have done affect them long term, I don't know how I could handle that. My worst fear is that my son turns into his father, and my daughter goes through what I went through. The most I can really do is talk to them and hope some of that gets through to them.

Thinking about it makes my stomach turn...Any advice? I would hope I'm not the only one going through something like this.

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Comment by Jennifer Brower on September 15, 2012 at 1:14pm

So first off I want to tell you that you’re a wonderful mother because you are so worried about how this will affect your kids. Putting our kids first is very hard sometimes.  But that doesn't mean that you have to stop living. Will the choices you have made in the past affect you kids in the future? Who knows? I can be for certain that them having a strong mother who cares dearly for them matters more.  I don’t believe what happens in our lives as parents so much as affects our children.  It’s more how we handle the situations thrown at us. Everyone struggles some kind of way in life. Some ways more than others but if we as parents can show them how to be strong and survive threw our life’s trials than they should grow up to be spectacular people who in turn will show their children how to be strong.  And if you meet another man it does not mean you have to have another child with him if you want one then that’s great. But you should find a man who will love you for who you are and that’s mean you and your kids.  And you could date and not introduce your kids to who you’re involved with until it gets serious. That’s what I did. And Rocky love my kids as his own. He is a great dad. There’s someone for everyone. Don’t give up on your personal life because you think it “might” mess up your kids.  Show them how to live  no matter what life throws at them.

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