No matter how much I tried, I have never quite fit into any group from elementary school to the present.

I was considered to be in middle level in high school(in the Midwest). You know, not a complete loser but not on student council either. I never wanted to be on student council. I did try out to be a cheerleader in junior high. This is pretty funny since I lack grace and coordination on land. I must have been overwhelmed with delusions of being popular in the 8th grade. LOL. The thing is, if I had made the j.v. cheerleading team, I wouldn't have fit in and I doubt I could have handled the shunning that type of clique perpetuates.

I never fit in with my family being the only girl, being the child who read obsessively, being the one who could set my mother off in less than 20 seconds.

The first time I went to college I was more interested in guys than classes and grades. What a complete waste of $12,000!

I started being boy crazy around 6th grade. I was taught by society that I could not be whole without a boyfriend. I was gullible and my self esteem was never high.

I wasted so many years thinking about, trying to attract, and flirting with males.

My point being no one can make me happy but myself. My mother did try to explain that to me. I wasn't listening. I was a teen. I never listened to her.

I still don't fit in quite anywhere and I am not happy though I am slowly working on that.

Im my perverse way I would detest fitting in as then I would not be the true me. Having my own opinions and slant on life is what makes me ME.

This is what I will be motivated to examine in the new year.

Who am I truly?

&

What will make me happy/content?

Any thoughts my friends?

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