You're a kind person,
You're a cold person too.
It's down to you constant stranger
It all comes down to you.
These are a few lines from one of my all time favourite songs, Down to You by Joni Mitchell.
I love all her work, but this is one that has always resonated with me. It describes perfectly how we continue to change and evolve, we are constant strangers to ourselves. And no matter what we do, or what anyone else does to us, our life is our responsibility. It all comes down to you.
Many things happen in our lives that shape the people we ultimately become. For me losing my mother when I was sixteen had a profound effect on me. It affected me at the time and the grief shaped the person I then became, and it goes on shaping me. Everything I do seems to be traceable back to being motherless. I don't mean this to sound maudlin and depressing, it's just the simple fact, it's just who I am. It's not conscious. I don't wake up in the morning and think "I don't have a mother, so I'll have Rice Crispies for breakfast".