I realized something yesterday while at a cookout for a friend.
Something pretty big!
Something awesomely amazing! Yes, I realize that probably isn't grammatically correct. Hush! It expresses how I feel!
The realization, epiphany, understanding that I came to is...
I AM TOO HARD ON MYSELF!!
Yep, you read right! Like many, many other women all around the world I am way too hard on myself!
For anyone that knows me well, you know that this is a really hard admission for me to make. Please be kind in your comments or don't comment at all on this one if you only have negative things to say. This took a lot for me to be willing to type up and I have even teared up a few times while writing it.
For the past, almost,
four months (No, I had to wait 6 weeks after I had Annaliese!) three months I have worked my a$$ off to lose this weight and feel happy about myself again. I have watched what I ate and set up a grueling work out schedule that has left me sweaty and nauseous some days.
I have lost weight...but for some reason in my mind it is never enough...never good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, tight enough....just not ENOUGH!
When I look in the mirror I still see some ugly fat chick that needs to work even harder. I have ALWAYS felt this way about myself!
I cannot remember a single time in my life that I looked in the mirror and thought, "Dang, I look good."
I want to say that about myself...I want it badly! But for some reason I can't. When I look in the mirror I always see my flaws...not what I am doing well.
I put on a fake smile and pretend to be happy about myself when I need to. I don't want my girls to grow up thinking that they aren't good enough. I don't want them to have the thoughts that I have had all of my life. I know where my thoughts come from, I know what caused them so long ago...what I don't know is why, after all this time, I still can't get rid of them!!
I WANT YOU GONE! I AM TIRED OF HATING MY BODY!!
I think what kills me more is that I see so many women that feel the same way that I do...we crush ourselves even when we have made huge accomplishments.
What I realized yesterday, while talking with a few friends is this:
I HAVE LOST 40 POUNDS IN THE 4 MONTHS SINCE I HAD ANNALIESE!
That is amazing right?!? Why isn't that good enough for me?
Because of this...I set myself a new fitness goal...
Every day I want to look in the mirror and say:
I AM ENOUGH!
I am good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough...
I am simply enough!
We should all be proud of ourselves and love our bodies for what they are!
Everyone is different and we are ALL beautiful!
We have to stop being so dang hard on ourselves!
What I would love to see happen from this post is for all of my fellow bloggers and blog readers to go to at least 1 friends blog and post a comment that simply says:
"You are beautiful, be proud of your accomplishments!"
You never know, you may just make their day!
Blog a day for 30 days: DAY 4