I tell people I have 7 children; however, anyone who takes the time to count heads will notice there are not 7 children trailing along behind me. There are 6.

I am living every mother’s worst nightmare.

In February of 2008, I awoke to my 5th child, Emily, struggling to breath. She had been through so much the previous 3 months due to multiple surgeries to correct a congenital defect known as malrotation of the intestine; however, we were sure she was on the road to recovery. Yet, looking down at her at that morning, I knew something was dreadfully wrong.

My husband and I raced our little 7 month old daughter to the emergency room with me holding her and frantically calling her name over and over, willing her to breathe, to hang on just a little bit longer.

But, it was not meant to be. Little Emily passed from this world to the next that morning, leaving us grief-stricken and heart-broken.

It has been two and a half years since I watched in helplessness as my precious baby girl took her last breaths. I will never be the same woman I was before her death, but I do see true healing washing over my life in a way that is nothing short of miraculous

When a woman loses a child, she loses a piece of her future. I see Emmy everywhere. I see her in the children who are the age she would be now, I see her in children who are the age she was when she died. I see her every time I tell people I have 7 children. I am sure I will continue to “see” her until the day I die, when I really will get to see her again. Therein lies the Hope that gets me through.

I am a writer, so blogging about Emily is something that has just come naturally. It has been therapeutic to me in so many ways. Through my blog, I have met many other women living this same nightmare and many more women afraid of someday having to live this nightmare.

I ache for the first group of women because this is a sort of “club” no one wants to join, but once you do, you are forever linked together by tragedy and pain. However, to the second group, I find myself wanting to reach out and tell them something valuable, something that has to be said…

Read the rest of this post at the Village of Moms...

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Tags: a, child, death, fear, loss, of, parenting

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