This post is about finding and keeping the "perfect" Christmas tree. It's about a mom who had a one month old baby, a mini van, a 8 foot Christmas tree, one piece of twine and a red headed husband who was sick of the cold.
Oh, this tale can not turn out well.

We decided to cut down our tree last year. It was interesting to say the least. Logan took a hack saw to our sixty dollar selection and was nearly crushed by the falling Douglas Fir. Russ saved him in the nick of time. We saw Santa and had hot cider. It was bitterly cold that day. I don't suppose there is any other kind of winter day in Michigan other than bitterly cold. I remained in the car, for the most part, under the guise of tending to my new baby. I only briefly emerged to shoot pics. Most of what was taking place outside was either near death experiences or some weird dance that my family thought was absolutely hysterical. Whatever....

Here is where the story gets good. Russ asked me to help him tie the tree to the roof of the van. Ummmm, nope too cold, can't do it! I thought he was doing a bang up job all by himself and told him as much. "Doin' a great job, babe. That outta do it. Let's roll."

I noticed about 500 yards down the road that our prize tree was bouncing a tad. Then moving a tad. I asked my darling husband if he thought we should pull over and re-tie the tree. Nah, he thought better of it and proposed that we would just go slow and travel the back roads. Okey dokey, Chief.

As we merged onto the unavoidable main road my beloved husband said to me, "Are you watching the tree or fooling with the radio?" "Why isn't it obvious?", I said, "I'm scanning for Christmas music." "Well, you need to stop that and watch the tree!" Bewildered I asked, " What would you like me to frigging watch for? For the stupid thing to hit the ground?" "EXACTLY", he barked. And I kid you not, at that very moment that stupid tree flew off the roof and landed in the middle of Main Street!

I immediately covered my face with my hands and felt a burning need to vomit. I had remarked about the car behind us following so closely. All I could imagine was that our tree certainly was now firmly embedded in his front windshield. I bet he wished he had adhered to the driver safety guidelines of maintaining a safe following distance of at least two cars lengths. He did avoid our flying Fir,(thank God) but I'm sure the person on the other end of his cell phone got quite an ear full.

We turned around and parked on the side of the road to retrieve our tree. Russ and I ran out into the road and snatched up that stupid tree. I was so embarrassed! Cars were driving by and the drivers were just shaking their heads. I'm sure the phrase "What an idiot" was uttered more than once.

We stood there in silence for a moment, with our broken tree lying at our feet, trying to digest all that had transpired. I was still shaking my head, when my husband looked right at me and shouted "THAT... WAS... AWESOME!!!"

See what I have to put up with??? Crimany sakes!

Need more foolishness? Go HERE

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