A few months ago, at the end of the first trimester, I walked into my OB’s office with zero expectations. I didn’t know whether to laugh with joy that we had made it through the first three months of pregnancy, to cry that I still had six to go or to completely break down over the mental anguish that lies between grief and happiness. And of course, I had to step on the scale.

I refused to look at the number. Knowing myself – and that I hadn’t lost the baby weight from after losing Addison, I just couldn’t go there. It was one space that I really couldn’t worry about at a time when I was worrying about any little twinge that my body made, fearing that we’d lose another baby.

Eventually, I settled down. I’ve actually been really relaxed about what I eat and how I workout during this pregnancy – trying to eat balanced meals, but not going crazy if it doesn’t agree with my body. I’m pregnant, after all, and I’ve basically been pregnant for over a year at this point. I can’t be so hard on myself when the food aversions and complete exhaustion are totally and completely out of my control...Continue reading at The Mommyhood Project

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