See this shirt right here? I sooooo totally need this shirt. Because this sums up my life to a tee (pun intended). Who knew that such a cute little creature could shit this friggin' much? I don't know about you, but I most certainly did not. Yes, I bet our friend Patches drops at least one turd every thirty seconds. I swear the bottom of his cage looks like a gang of turds invited all their turd friends over to reproduce and make even more turds. (Dear God, I've become a turd breeder, haven't I??!!) The pet store claims that we can litter train him, but we're having about as much success with that as Hugh Hefner's had in keeping a twenty-something-year-old bride.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, REMIND ME WHY THE HELL I AGREED TO LET MY DAUGHTER HAVE A GUINEA PIG AS A PET??!! I know, I know -- because I'm Nucking Futs. Bite me.