ADVERTISEMENT

How Do You Stop Your Kids From Whining?

MY DAUGHTER IS 8-YEARS OLD AND WHEN THINGS DON’T GO HER WAY SHE WHINES OR STARTS TO CRY.

photocredit

MOLLY: This question came from a reader based in Los Angeles and she also mentioned that she has two kids and there’s quite a bit of sibling rivalry between the two of them.

Dr. Susan Rutherford (MOM): I think that a parent can set limits with her child but we all should realize that the child will push against a limit pretty hard, especially at the beginning, and whine a lot and if you end up giving in. A child can recognize when a technique works and will continue to do it. That will set the stage for her to do it over and over again and will end up driving the parents and every other adult around crazy.

It's best to start changing this behavior soon after it starts to become a habit. Early on, don’t give in when the child whines. Instead, give her an option. Say something like, "If you can ask me nicely without whining, then we can talk about this and figure this problem out. But if you’re going to continue to whine, nothing is going to happen."

Remember: kids will test you over and over about limits until they see that you really mean it. It’s very important that, once you set the stage for the child about not whining, you really have to stick to it without any exceptions.

MOLLY: What do you do about the crying?

MOM: The parent can say that she needs to go to her room if she wants to cry. If she refuses to go to her room then the parent should escape into her own room because, let's face it, you don’t want to be around that behavior. Say to the child, “When you’re ready to talk to me about this without whining, I’m more than happy to discuss it with you and come to a solution but I’m not going to do this while you’re whining.”

MOLLY: Some of the things we’ve used for dealing with whining and crying in our house have been sticker charts.

MOM: Sticker charts are always great for incentivizing behavior changes with rewards. You can absolutely do a sticker chart, and it’s a very good idea. Sticker charts help make concepts concrete for little kids because that’s how their brains work. So if you get a sticker chart and mark it when she doesn’t whine (using the positive reward system), you'll want to point out verbally to the child that she did a nice job and let her put the sticker on the chart. After she gets a certain amount of stickers, she’ll then get to pick out a new book or go for ice cream or something; some sort of recognition that she’s handling things well in a grown-up way. Kids really like that.

MOLLY: Another thing I’ve heard of doing is to use a calendar and markone day of the week that the child can have some alone-time with the mother. I know this can be helpful in reducing sibling rivalry issues, and I'll bet a lot of whining comes from jealousy of siblings.

MOM: That can be the reward: the time alone with the parent. I think that’s a great idea. You gear it towards whatever makes sense in your own family.

I think it’s essential that you talk...

Read the rest of Dr. Rutherford's advice at Conversations With My Mother.com

Molly Skyar and Dr. Rutherford are behind the blog “Conversations With My Mother”: a blog about raising kids and how our parenting decisions now can have long term effects. 

Dr. Rutherford is a Clinical Psychologist in practice for over 30 years. She has degrees from Duke University, New York University (NYU), and the University of Denver. 
Molly is Dr. Rutherford's younger daughter and the mother of two children under six.

Views: 53

Comment

You need to be a member of Mom Bloggers Club to add comments!

Join Mom Bloggers Club

FOLLOW US

OUR BLOG

The Story Behind The New Must-Have Nursery Item Of The Season + Giveaway

Babies are irresistible when they are sleeping, as every mom knows. This is what inspired Rookie Humans' founder and momma of two, Gabriela Anggono, to launch a whimsical line of crib sheets designed to create beautiful backdrops for…

OUR DAILY PINS

Latest Activity

Wanda Jefferson liked Wanda Jefferson's blog post Tuesday Steps
2 hours ago
Wanda Jefferson liked Wanda Jefferson's blog post M.L.K.
2 hours ago
Wanda Jefferson liked Mikkie Mills's blog post How to Not Smother Your Kids So They Can Progress
2 hours ago
Wanda Jefferson liked Mikkie Mills's blog post How to Love With Detachment So Your Kids Can Grow
2 hours ago
Wanda Jefferson posted a status
""Let your life be poetic enough for others to remember it"-Wanda Jefferson"
2 hours ago
Wanda Jefferson posted a status
""Let your life be poetic enough for others to remember it"-Wanda Jefferson "
2 hours ago
Wanda Jefferson posted blog posts
3 hours ago
Malathy Badri replied to suchi promod's discussion 'Get followers on Bloglovin and Pinterest! Leave you Bloglovin and Pinterest link and lets follow each other!:)'
3 hours ago

Advertisement

© 2017   Created by Mom Bloggers Club.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service