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A marriage is a fairy tale, which needs a constant work to last. I’ve understood from my own experience that this constant work should comprise attention, care, respect, unconditional trust, faith and love beyond possible.

My love for my husband is a miracle, which can’t be described through words. However, our first years of marriage were troublesome sometimes and now I know why.

When we’ve met, it was love at first sight. We’ve dated each other for 2 years and then got married. Those years before the marriage have been filled with romance and insouciance, there weren't any hassles between us and the future seemed a paradise for us. My parents and parents-in-law got along together and the wedding was truly awesome. I’ve got new relatives and my mother and father were happy to accept my husband as their son. However, a common life is not a bed of roses. Obviously, in the first year of our common life, we haven’t pulled through all possible situations. However, we are already aware of some important issues about each other and our marriage. Thus, I’ve understood that there are distinct differences between courtship and the marriage.

First of all, our marriage is worth fighting for. When people are dating, oftentimes they break up with no regrets, whereas the marriage implies a strong commitment to your husband, to yourself and to your union, which should last despite any obstacles. When I became a wife, the shift in my mind helped me to realize that I am ready to do everything for the sake of our happiness.

Then, we’ve faced many stressful situations and conflicts together. They have taught me how to have good management skills. We had the conflict, which was a full-blown meltdown in a relationship, but we’ve addressed it with empathy and understanding. We learned how to listen to each other and what is more important, we didn’t store insults and always were honest with each other.

As a married couple, we started to share each other’s dreams, worries, and challenges, that’s what really united us. I couldn’t find a good job and it really knocked me sideways, but my spouse was near. And when I’ve got a good place, he shared my triumph with me. That is what love is about: to bolster the spouse and create a comfortable ambiance in a relationship. Therewith, we have evaluated our relationship and came to the conclusion that friendship is the highest priority. We cultivate it because it makes the marriage stronger when interests change, children are born and then leave the family. Besides, we’re best friends, that is why we survive all hardships and always look for joys in life.

When I have realized these verities, I began to understand myself and my husband better. Consequently, our marriage became an ever-evolving work in progress, however, it was pleasant. Thus, the first year did not go smoothly, but we learned much about each other and developed together.

The second year of our marriage was no less intense, there were both many happy moments and conflicts. In a conversation with the husband, I learned that he lacked my signs of attention, confirmation of my love and romance. We are separate individuals and each of us has his own interests, but at one point we forgot that marriage is not the end of love and we should be just as attentive and caring towards each other as during the dating.

And then I realized how important it is to tell a spouse about love and show the power of your feelings. There are some reasons why. Men aren’t less sensitive than women, just some of them don’t express their feelings and thoughts openly. They need affection, care, and love as much as any other human being and our duty as wives to provide it. The men are driven by emotions and feelings and when they know they are loved, the world becomes brighter. When the husband knows that he is loved and appreciated, then he has an incentive to fulfill his dreams.

Also, it is important for men to feel needed. Letting him know that you see his accomplishments means a lot to him. I’ve told words of love through compliments. Yes, they work for men, but they should be sincere. The husband is always happy to hear about his strength, sexuality, courage and attractiveness. Besides, every man wants to hear praise from a woman. He likes to hear a positive assessment of his achievements, talents, and skills. I always praise my loved one. I know that it makes him feel like a real man, who does everything right.

The day I’ve grasped it, my behavior changed. I’ve figured out ways to show my husband I love him and they really worked! I used certain means. Firstly, I tried to spend every free minute with him. If he was busy, I didn’t run to the mall, I stayed and helped him. Or I just was near so that he didn’t feel abandoned. Also, each time the weekend came, I asked him what he wanted to do. I showed him that his needs were my priority and I saw a huge smile on his face. I was on the right path!

Then I tried to cheer him up through the words of affirmations. I put small notes in his lunch box, throughout the day I sent him sweet text messages and e-mails. Also, on each special date for us, I wrote a letter for him. Yes, I took a piece of paper and just wrote about everything I felt. About my gratitude, boundless love for him, admiration, and respect. I know that he stores these letters and they really warm his heart. There were tough days in his career, but I have never blamed him and pointed out his shortcomings. I always encouraged my loved one.

On top of that, I have never forgotten about small gifts. I downloaded our common photos on his phone, it was my little surprise. One of my hobbies is scrapbooking. So, I’ve made a personalized picture frame and put a picture from our wedding in it. Also, I designed a logo, which represented us as a couple. Besides, I’ve pampered him with coupon books. I’ve included coupons for the massage, a choice of a movie, a date, etc.

Moreover, for us, love means service. That is why acts of service were on my to-do list. I did his chores, assisted him in his projects so that he could finish them faster, didn’t nag him to do something that I was perfectly capable of doing myself.

Finally, I expressed my love for him through touches. A kiss in the morning and in the evening became our daily ritual. I always gave him hugs unexpectedly and I saw how it improved his mood. A tactile contact is important for us and we held hands always and after a hard day, I gave him a foot massage. I assume it’s one of the most soothing ways to show your care and affection.

I’ve described the ways that helped me to create a prosperous and happy marriage. Love is like a flower – it blooms and smells if it is fostered properly and gets enough sun and water, but if it is in a shade constantly, it may wilt. So, if you feed love with signs of attention, romantic surprises, words of love, then it will last forever.
Written by Helen Rogers

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