ADVERTISEMENT

I Kill Innocent Creatures — And Then They Cry

The 53 stairs leading up to my house are a minefield of slimy, disgusting slugs. Every morning, without fail, I have to dodge, hop, skip, and weave my way down the stairs in an attempt to not step on one of the suckers. I always make sure I have some extra change on hand, though, just in case.  If I squish a slug, I can assure you I will not be the one who scrapes it off the bottom of my Cole Haan's. Mgazi will do it. She'll do almost anything for a quarter.

So far, in the ten years that I have lived in this house, in the thousands of times I have trekked up and down those incredibly annoying stairs, I have never ever stepped on a slug.

I did, however, manage to step on a snail.

Damn! Did I just make it down to the bottom of the stairs, all FIFTY-THREE stairs, violence-free, only to hear (and feel) the dainty shell of a snail crunch under my sneaker?

Please say it isn't so.

Oh, it's so. The children saw it all and they made sure I understood the full impact of my actions.

Zaffron: Mommy! What did you do?

Me: What? Nothing! Get in the car.

Mgazi [bending at the waist, inspecting the sidewalk]: Oh no, Zaffy. She is lying to you. Mommy killed a snail.

Tears immediately spring into Zaffy's eyes. She's by the car, with me. She can't even see what Mgazi is looking at.

Zaffron: Mommy! How could you do that? He was just a baby!

Me: Oh for heaven's sake... I just --I didn't -- for God's sake, just get in the car. The snail is fine. He's going to have to crawl away and find a new shell.

Mgazi [still peering at the glob on the concrete]: Nuh uh, Mommy. He's killed. You killed him.

Me: Gazi, get in the car. Zaffy, you too.

Everyone climbs into the car and I think the episode is over because there is a short stretch of silence (if you don't count Zaffy's whimpering.) What was I thinking? There are never stretches of silence in my car. Short or otherwise.

Mgazi: Zaffy, you know that snail that Mommy killed? (Like Zaffy could have forgotten in the last two minutes.) He was crying too.

Zaffy [now wailing]: What? What?? Why? WHYYYYYY MOMMMMMMMMMMY?

Me: I'm sorry! I am so sorry. It was a total accident. I feel awful, Zaffy. Mgazi, you didn't see the snail crying. Stop trying to rile your sister.

Mgazi: I did. I saw his eyes. And there were tears coming out of them.

Zaffy: WHY MOMMMMY? WHY?

Me: Mgazi, seriously. You need to stop talking. I'm not joking. Not another word.

And we returned to silence... except, of course, for the sound of my oldest child's sniffling  grief.


Recommended wine: Do you know what goes great with snails? A chablis -- chalky, crisp, and flinty, with a hint of earthiness. Try the 2007 Christian Moreau Chablis. You should be able to get it for around $30.


Snail photo: Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

------------

For more, please visit It's Not Wine, It's Mommy Juice!

Views: 21

Comment

You need to be a member of Mom Bloggers Club to add comments!

Join Mom Bloggers Club

Comment by Kristine Castagnaro on October 8, 2012 at 1:37pm
Really? I didn't know that. I'm going to have to convince my 5-year old to pick up the ones already there and move them before I salt the steps. Otherwise there would be serious carnage. Thanks for the tip!
Comment by Eva Wright on October 8, 2012 at 8:55am

You can buy regular table salt and sprinkle it on the way up and down in a salt shaker and it will stop them in their tracks. It kills them on contact so they will not go where there is or has been any salt sprinkled.

Our newest members. Join us + 23,000 fellow mom bloggers

ADVERTISEMENT

MBC CUTIES

Our current cutie was uploaded by Stephanie WentworthUpload a photo of your cutie. They may be featured here. See all of the cuties.

Our Latest Food, Travel & Lifestyle Posts

Has Blogging Become One Big Chore?

Have you ever looked at your blog’s dashboard and whimpered to yourself, “Oh, I just cannot in any way, shape, or form write a blog post today?”

We have all been there, right? Or, is it just me?

After eight years of blogging I have whimpered that more times than I…

How to Get Your Kids to the Dentist Without Tears, Tantrums or Throwing

Growing up, you might remember a time in your life when the only thing scarier than the boogeyman was your dentist. Over the years, you grew to appreciate your dentist and his or her service to your dental health, however, it did take you some time to grow into that mentality. Give your kids a…

ADVERTISE

© 2016   Created by Mom Bloggers Club.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service