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Let's just jump right in. I turned 42 years old last week. I am not happy about it. Let’s talk about why:

  • I sweat for no reason at all. I swear I this didn’t happen to me when I was 41.
  • I have crow’s feet.  Crows feet suck.
  • I now have to wear makeup. It started when I turned 40. I hate it. It takes up valuable time each morning and because I never wore it before, I'm horrible at putting it on and have to rely on my 30-something friends to guide me. It’s humiliating. And I resent it. (For my girlfriends… the ones saying, “oh, poor you, just started wearing makeup at forty,” shut up. This is my list. (p.s. I love you guys.))
  • I have four grey hairs and no matter how many times I pull them out, they reappear the next day. All four. Three on my head and one… somewhere else.
  • I put ice cubes in my wine to water it down. I don’t even know why I do this, but I associate it with being old.
  • I’m embarrassed if I walk by a Hollister store and they have one of the shirtless male models standing at the entrance. (Where are his pants? Does his mother know about this? Oh God, why can’t I make myself look away?)
  • I sweat if I walk within a hundred yards of a Hollister store in anticipation that they might have one of the shirtless male models standing at the entrance. Can anyone say coo coo ca-choo?
  • My favorite clothes have come into style and gone out of style five times. (Currently, they're out.)
  • Harrison Ford is 70. I still think he’s hot.
  • More grocery store clerks than not call me Ma’am. What the %^$&?
  • Last, but not least, everything pisses me off. And I feel justified about it somehow. Like it’s a right of mine to be mad at everything because I’ve earned it by living this long. I’m just like a grumpy old woman – the exact kind of grumpy old woman that pissed me off when I was younger.

Wow. I’m exhausted. (See… I’m so old that making lists exhausts me!)

With that said, I do feel the need to mention this. I’m more comfortable in my skin than I’ve ever been. (I just don’t like how droopy it is!) I have more confidence than ever before too. I don’t have fewer problems. In fact, this year, I’m facing more challenges than last. It hasn’t been easy. But I have more belief in my ability to handle what comes my way. This gives me confidence which gives me courage. Two traits I would not have used to describe myself only a year ago.

I think I’ll write more on this later. I’m tired. It’s 8:45 p.m.

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For more, please visit It's Not Wine, It's Mommy Juice!

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