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I Never Forget that my Child is on the Autism Spectrum. Never.

I never forget that my child is on the Autism Spectrum. Never. 

Last night, after telling us about his brilliant weekend with his peep at the beach, we immediately noticed he looked and sounded exhausted. 

Red eyes, squeaky voice, and ample yawns.

You know what this spells: M-E-L-T-D-O-W-N

And not any kind of meltdown. The kind where hot claws reach deep within your heart, turn and squeeze. 

The kind where no matter how long I hold him, I can't make it better. I have to let him go through the motions. I silently pray, willing God to give it to me, allow me to take every ounce of his anxiety and stress.

I beg.

Tell him to breathe. Breathe like me.

The flood gates of emotion tumble from his quivering mouth, in between hiccup cries. My son is hurting. He'll start remembering moments where something sad happened or a person was mean to him or me or Phil. As it continues he says "My brain hurts!"

Phil can't stay in the room. He feels every bit of Logan's pain. 

I never forget that my child is on the Autism Spectrum. Never.

I do forget that he is twelve. His old soul tricks me in to believing he is older then a child. It's when his innocence is stripped for all to see, that is when reality punches me in the gut.  
He took a HUGE step by being away from us for the entire weekend, he's maturing, he's evolving in to a young man but while he sobbed in my shoulder he would tell me that he was homesick, that he missed us and Bear so much, that he wanted to come home when he fell and hurt his chin but he was having so much fun, he adores them and he felt guilty. Guilty for everything. Guilty for feeling homesick, guilty for crying, guilty for having fun without us. He's too young to be feeling these intense emotions. 

Young.

Keyword there.

When the tears stopped.
We all cuddled together on the couch, watching cartoons to lift the atmosphere. 

I never forget that my child is on the Autism Spectrum. Never.

Today was a better today. He slept in. We played games. We read. We watched our favorite shows. 

There remains an ache in my chest. I will always pray to take those doleful feelings away. To digest them, swallow them whole so my child wouldn't have to. 



We are extremely proud that he took another step outside his comfort zone. We see it as a success. 
They started planning another sleepover, Logan suggested our house...and added a ghost tour to the mix;-)


Always plotting....

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