Please allow me to introduce myself!

All of my blogs can be found at www.JenniferSuarez and I'd love for you to stop over for a visit.

Here is one of my recent blog posts to give you an idea of what you will find if you visit:



Most women, especially those in my age group, trim, shave, nair, or wax their bikini area. Just about every woman does this so if you feel embarrassed to know that, I suggest you stop reading now.
I personally prefer the razor to any other method. It's quick and for the most part painless. However within less than a week it has to be done all over again. So I thought waxing might be a really nice alternative. Now I am not new to waxing. I wax my eyebrows, I wax the hair on my face, I've waxed my legs and I've even waxed under my arms before. Yeah it hurts, but there's always a price for beauty right?

So yes, I've always been interested in waxing my bikini line. The problem is I'm way too embarrassed to have it done professionally. There's just something about having a stranger stretch and manipulate that area, pour hot wax, and then rip out the hair by the root that just doesn't appeal to me. I've also been too nervous to try it at home. I didn't know if I'd be able to inflict that much pain on that area of my body. Well for some crazy reason this weekend I decided to give it a try. What's the worse that can happen right?

Yeah...that's what I actually thought!! "What's the worse that can happen?" Well I will tell you the worst thing that can happen and let me warn you, It's not pretty!

I started off warming up the wax. I got the kind that comes on plastic strips that you warm up by rubbing them in your hands. Considering the highly sensitive area, I didn't need anything super hot ya know? I peeled apart the plastic waxing strip and picked a place to start. I smoothed the strip down over a patch of hair and tried to mentally prepare myself.

"It's not going to be too bad... sure it'll hurt but it can't be much worse than waxing my eyebrows right?" Of course as I'm trying to tell myself this, the reasonable part of my brain is thinking... "um... yes... it WILL be worse. Probably much worse! Who are you trying to kid? Are you freaking insane?"

Well there was no turning back. The wax strip was applied and there was only one way it was coming off. So, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, grabbed the end of the strip and...

RIIIIIIIIIIP!!!
OH MY GOD!!! HOLY SH!T!! DAMN IT!!!! F*$K! F*$K! F*$K! F********$K!!!
Now my bikini line is not thick at all but when I ripped that wax strip off I swear to you it sounded like someone was ripping up a piece of carpet or tearing apart a large strip of velcro!! I put my hand down to the area I just ripped out to make sure nothing was missing. Damn... with a sound like that I figured I tore off half my womanly parts!! PHEW!! To my relief everything still seemed to be in place except for the hair.

My husband's response to this event? "Did it really hurt?"

Did it really hurt??? Mother f*$ker! Didn't you just hear that ripping carpet sound????? I KNOW I didn't just imagine that crap! Didn't you just hear me scream in pain? Did it hurt? *laughing* DID IT HURT!?! No it didn't hurt, it felt freaking wonderful! Did it hurt??... he just asked me if it hurt!!!

Yes... it hurt.

It hurt more than waxing my eyebrows. Much more. The pain was pretty bad, but to be honest not completely unbearable. I began to think I could do another strip. Besides now I had a bit of a reverse mohawk going on so its not like I could just stop.

So I continued on. Smooth on wax, mentally prepare, and RIIIIIIIIIIIP! Horrible, horrible velcro / carpet ripping sound. Follow that up with obscenities in between each strip. It hurt like hell but I was doing it! I was making it through!! I was actually sort of proud of myself. I began thinking I deserved some sort of bikini waxing medal or something. Jennifer Suarez takes home the gold for the US in the bikini waxing championship! *crowd roar!!*

Yes, I think the pain was screwing with my head.

It was all going OK until that one fateful strip. And this is the part where I tell you the worst thing that can happen. There was one area that was in an awkward area, PLUS the hair was a little bit longer that the rest. It was difficult to maneuver and I figured it would probably hurt like hell too. I smoothed on the strip and took a few deep breaths. This was going to be the test. I closed my eyes, grabbed the end of the strip and pulled.

RIIIIIIIII ----- {stuck}
OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!! What the F*$K?!?! HOLY CRAP... OMG that f*$king hurt!... what happened?? OW OW OW OW!!! OOOOWWW!!

The wax strip came about half way off and the rest was still stuck!!!!!!!


I tried again.... RII --- {stuck} OOWW OMG... the paaaain!! What in the world is going on here???

I began to realize that it hurt so much trying to get this one strip off that I wasn't able to hold on to it long enough to pull it all the way off!! Now I'm in a fantastic position. I'm in pain and I have this wax strip stuck to me like super glue. Oh what a sight. I only had one option. To turn to my husband and ask for help. Now don't forget I had JUST yelled at him for asking me if it hurt so now he happens to be in a great position for revenge.

Jen: Will you please help me? I can't seem to pull it off. You gotta do it for me. Just grab the end and pull it really hard.
Rudy: Oh man, you gotta be kidding me. Are you sure?? You really want me to do that??
Jen: Well I don't have many more options! I can't seem to get it off myself so you'll have to pull it off!
Rudy: Alright, alright. *deep breath* OK... are you ready???
Jen: *Closing my eyes* Yes?

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
As I screamed I imagined all the birds outside in the woods behind our house taking flight - terrified of the inhuman noise that was coming out of my mouth.




Rudy: OMG! Are you OK???!
Jen: Agggggghhhh... that's IT! I am done! I am DONE! No more! I give up!! I am done!!! Owwwwwwwwww, owwwwwwww! I give up!!!!

That was it for me. I was done waxing for the evening. There was no way I could endure more pain after that one. It was horrible! Thankfully that final strip left me with a pretty even look so I didn't have to worry about looking all patchy like the guy from "the 40 year old virgin"

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Tags: family, fun, funny, humor, kids

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Comment by Mom Bloggers Club on November 12, 2008 at 5:28pm
Wow. You're a brave woman. LOL.

Welcome to the club.

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