Winter is setting in, cold and deep. So I thought another installment of my “It’s a Thin Line” series, about things I love and hate, might provide some levity.

 

As I wrote in the prelude to my original “It’s a Thin Line” list—and its following parts 23 and 4—it goes without saying that I love our children and hate gun violence, especially against and amidst youth. I love our kids and loathe pedophiles, such as Jimmy Savile, who molested children for decades while enjoying widespread fame throughout the UK. What I’m aiming for here, instead, are the closer-trimmed grievances and joys of everyday life that I—and maybe you—experience:

 

I HATE…

  1. When my 2-year-old tells me I’m not the boss
  2. Worrying that the cleaning service we occasionally use is actually a front for sex trafficking
  3. Waking up in the morning and realizing that my neck, shoulder, back and shin hurt
  4. When tomorrow’s high is going to be colder than the interior of our refrigerator—and freezer
  5. When the high temperatures for the foreseeable future are going to be colder than the interior of our refrigerator and freezer
  6. Seeing the frozen carcasses of field mice strewn along my running path
  7. Feeling guilty as I pass a bumper sticker that says, “Eat More Kale”
  8. Reading that cars flooded during Hurricane Sandy are now being re-sold to unsuspecting buyers
  9. When I come home and find my husband’s keys in the front door
  10. When I come home and find my father-in-law’s keys in the front door
  11. Listening to my hairdresser babble about inanities, such as the fact that the vacuum at the car wash ran out before she got to the driver’s seat
  12. Lance Armstrong’s Oprah non-apology
  13. The fact that I really just wanted to nap during “Lincoln”
  14. Having to sneak my food so our 6-year-old twins and 2-year-old won’t bug me for bites
  15. Finding our toilet is still broken after paying the plumber to fix it—twice
  16. Hearing our friends have been felled by the flu
  17. Waiting for the flu to fell us
  18. Getting a Verizon text saying my account is being billed for “voice overage”
  19. Our health insurance company notifying us that our plan cost is rising by 9 percent and reading the attendant bulls--t explanation for why that hike “needs” to happen
  20. When my son and I discover deep into constructing one of his LEGO sets that a critical piece is missing
  21. How little bits of dog food keep sliding under our fridge
  22. Trying to get out the door to go anywhere with our three kids
  23. When our 2-year-old calls out halfway to our destination that I forgot to strap her in
  24. Wondering after driving away from the house if I accidentally left our dog outside
  25. When our kids are finally asleep and our Roku player won’t work
  26. Receiving LifeLock fraud alert text messages when I’m out running errands
  27. Getting a botched eyebrow wax
  28. Getting jelly on my keyboard
  29. Finding out what qualifies as hand washing for our twins by observing them in action

 

I LOVE…

  1. Reading in “The New York Times Magazine” about what a wreck Lindsay Lohan still is
  2. That the winter holidays are over
  3. Going three whole days without cruising Facebook
  4. How our 2-year-old keeps telling me to “cut the pickle”
  5. Overhearing a father exhort his son at a park, “I need you to get stronger at riding your scooter!”
  6. Beers whose caps instruct: “USE OPENER”
  7. A friend’s description of how she sometimes sits with her head in her hands, shell-shocked on her couch, after her three young children finally go to sleep
  8. A cheering fire
  9. When my husband and twins come in and Jeff tells me, “We were ballin’.”
  10. That David Bowie is still releasing albums
  11. Getting an invitation to a “Serenade Your Sweetheart” Valentine’s Day karaoke party
  12. The vanity plate on a Mustang that read, “IM4-GZUS”—and the fact that it took me a full minute to make out just what that meant
  13. The gourmet teas a friend sent me for Christmas
  14. Finding out six years after our twins, Georgia and Griffin, were born that there is a town called “Griffin, Georgia”
  15. Observations our 2-year-old makes such as, “It’s hard to get hair out of your mouth.”
  16. That I managed to get an orchid to bloom for a second year in a row
  17. Philadelphia’s WXPN
  18. The amount of comments our children’s Bucky Badger hats that their uncle gave them elicit—and the fact that they actually keep them on
  19. The perky bob the actress wears in the Swedish TV series “Annika Bengtzon: Crime Reporter”
  20. Our 2-year-old’s unintentional mullet
  21. Another tongue-in-cheek blogger saying that he’d rather “euthanize” his children than take them out to dinner—and being able to relate
  22. Unexpectedly bumping into friends at a park
  23. Watching a boy in our son’s basketball class run around the court in Spider-Man boots
  24. How much fun I had writing “A Proper Goosing
  25. When our 2-year-old comes to tell me in the middle of the night that a “monster pooped” in her bed
  26. Remembering that it’s quality, not quantity, that counts
  27. Overhearing my husband cry, “Everybody downstairs, now! No child left behind!”
  28. Hot bagels with butter and jelly
  29. Finishing a blog entry in time to catch the next episode of “Downton Abbey” or “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”—shows which are essentially just the same

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