Juggling my roles as a Mother, wife, woman, housecleaner and cook is sometimes overwhelming. On some days it’s an accomplishment if I’m dressed before noon and the kids have been fed. Those days are the days where I can’t seem to get the baby to sleep long enough to manage getting clothes on, breakfast made, laundry done and plan an activity greater than Yo Gabba Gabba for the Toddler. I find myself going all day without anything but a coffee and granola bar for substance. If I’m lucky I’ll be able to throw clothes on and get her out for a walk or out on a grocery store trip, then back home for book time, clean up more, rush to make lunch followed by the now regular fight to put pip down for a much needed nap. When she’s finally down I entertain thoughts of a nap myself but inevitably give in to the laundry that now needs folding and the beds that haven’t been made. Soon Keeley is wake up demanding to nurse and I’ll be running around trying to do everything one handed. I’ll give in and sit down at my computer using one hand to up a much needed relief of feelings, than back to reality. Kids are up and wanting to play, Husband is home and probably starving and dinner needs to be cooked.
On these days I feel like a failure. I feel incompetent and worry that I’m not doing enough. Are the kids getting stimulated, are they learning enough? Is the TV on too much, do they need more outdoor time? Is my yelling to clean up the milk Piper decided to pour on the couch causing her to be aggressive? Is my attentiveness to Keeley’s demands causing P to be jealous? With my frustration building and no time for me by the end of the day I find myself lashing out on my unfortunate Husband because the baby doesn’t want him and I can’t make the perfect crepe with a screaming baby in my arms. Usually these days are ended dreadfully with the sudden onset of a cold her or rash on one or both of the kids leading me to a three-hour cryathalon before bed.
These are the days that everything I love about Motherhood gets overshadowed by the reality that I can’t be the supermom I expect myself to be. They are the days that make me miss having a job so I could be out of the house. But they are also the days that teach me the most. From these days of great frustration I find new ways of incorporating playtime with cooking and cleaning and learn to communicate better with my husband. I learn to trust my instincts and im reminded that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Those days force me to take time to myself so when the next day comes I can be a better me.