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I waited my whole life to become an adult, not so I could drink, or get married, or drive fast cars, or to dye my hair blonde (actually I did…it was bad), no, not for any of those reasons. I wanted more than anything to be an adult, so I could eat cake for breakfast.
Truth be told, I want whatever is most fattening and atery-clogging in the morning with my cup of coffee. I mean, doesn’t that make the most sense anyway? I starve myself all night, so I can sleep, right? Shouldn’t I reward myself with a huge slab of chocolate cake and a latte the minute I get up?

This also “sort of” works for me in the um, “dieting” department. If I get up and eat half the cake I made the night before, I am much more apt to work out later, or grab that apple I should eat. But, if I lay around all day, shirk all the fruits and veggies and THEN eat cake at like 8pm then, sheesh…why even try?


So, here I am. I am an adult, ready to enjoy my morning cake and coffee like I have for so many of my adult years. Life is amazing! Then…

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMIIIIIIIIIIIIE!”

Oh yeah, I now have kids. And the kids are awake. And they are hungry...

Now, the good mommy that I am, I do NOT feed my children chocolate cake for breakfast! There are many reasons for this:

1. They engage in a perpetual aerobic routine by zipping around at velocities modern science can’t record, WITHOUT the consumption of sugar. No need to start the day with a boost...

2. I care terribly about what people think of my mothering skills, so if my kids run around, telling people I feed them cake for breakfast, they might be taken away, or at the very least their friends will be jealous.

3. Ya know, I can’t really think of any other reasons. I just don’t let them eat cake.

Bill Cosby let his kids eat chocolate cake for breakfast, he also called them “brain-damaged” (back in the 70's you could do and say anything). See? Before 10am, they just don’t eat cake!!

So anyway, the kids come barreling down the stairs and I have my cake sitting next to my coffee. Conversation goes something like this:

"What's that mom?"
"What? Nothing. That's...nothing."
"Is that cake?"
"What? Cake? No, I mean, yeah well, no that's...that's...yeah that's cake."
“Mom, can we have cake?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“But you’re eating cake!!”
“No, I’m not, I’m just…I’m not.” (I put the cake away)

Now I can’t eat my cake!! This is worse than being a kid! What? Wait…

So with this, I realize I must strategically plan my early morning cake eating. It must be well thought-out, pre-mediated, conniving, brilliant, and stealthy, because when it comes to cake or sleep, cake trumps sleep.

Take careful note all you cake eaters, for this is how it needs to be done:

1. Get up earlier than your kids and shove the cake down your throat.

There. Easy, right?

Now, let me go eat my cake…

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Comment by Tammy Lessick on January 23, 2009 at 7:51am
That cake looks really good. Can you share the recipe?

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