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MADOFF SCANDAL FORCES WIFE TO PIMP HER HUSBAND

I emailed Fox News and told them that I was sorry but I had to decline their request to document my family. At first I was all over it. What a great idea to use our victimization from Madoff to attract readers. I still think I'm on to something but perhaps having a film crew follow me around for the day and translate our lives into a sappy, pitiful story of a family on the decline is not the best way to bring myself fame.

The irony of my blog is that my husband and I are very private people. I publish our lives to the world because writing has become part of my being. Without it I think I would plunge into the underworld of which I had glimpses of yesterday as I spiraled toward the climax of my hormonal week. The boys looked at me, their supposed mother, as if I had grown two horns and was carrying a pitchfork. I guess the devil hovers and transforms from one family member to the next at any given moment. Wade is the only one who is able to control the devil and use it's energy to lure me in to being with him at any given moment, regardless of what the kids are doing.

Spring break is over for us and all the boys went to school yesterday. I had a blessed four hours to myself and even though I only had four hours of sleep the night before I was ready to rock. I went to Bikram's yoga and listened to my favorite trainer as she spoke the dialogue enabling me to meditate and not think about what I had to do next in each posture. Being gone for two weeks in Florida actually helped to fuel my desire to stretch my body to a healing place in the one and a half hour class.

My yoga took me to a better place when I returned home to attempt to save our financial situation. Wade has not been paid in two months. This is the first time in my life that I have not been able to pay the bills on time. I am not ready to see what happens when you have no money in the bank and no assets to pull from. My children have no idea that they are in danger of being sold to the highest bidder when they misbehave, but that would be my third option. The first option, which would make us filthy rich, would be to pimp out Wade. There is a line of woman waiting for a sign from him that he has been pushed too far by his crazy wife and three boys and is ready to get a little action on the side. When Wade was the Publisher of Aspen Sojourner one of his employees called me to inform me that there was a rumor going around town that she wished that Wade were her husband. My response? "Get in line honey". Many women have told me that they wish they could clone Wade. I want to tell them that I play a role in what makes Wade so desirable and that I had to endure months of dancing with a jumping bean when we first met. Since than he has completely stolen my dancing mojo. Now we can't leave a party without women swooning over his ability to clean up on the dance floor. The second option would be to return to West Palm Beach, wear plunging dresses and high heal shoes and find myself a sugar daddy whilst keeping Wade on the side.

Today, as we plunge into further financial distress, I will be hiking the bowl with my friends as we celebrate my sister's birthday. Last year we would have dined outside at our favorite restaurant on the mountain after hiking. This year we will all be bringing a picnic lunch stuffed with bottles of wine. If we lose our house and everything we own we will set up our friends pop up camper at the Maroon Bells campsite and have the best views in town. I will still hike the bowl with my friends and serve them the most delicious meal in town, by campfire. I may smell smoky and my curls may turn to dreadlocks but I will still have my family. Than I will call Fox News and tell them that they really have a story, unless of course we decide to use our other options.

Permalink: isdisnormal.com/2009/04/02/pimping-my-husband.aspx

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