I am mom. It's been almost 8 months since my son was born and I'm still getting used to the fact that I am a mom. I'm responsible for this person's health and well-being for as long as I'm alive. Huge job. This morning he rolled right off the bed. Rolled right over the pillow that a month ago would keep him blocked off from the edge. It's happened before and that time he landed on top of a pillow, this morning it was the floor. I scooped him up and held him close as he cried and I cried. Terrified that I might have done something to harm him and never wanting to do it again. I told him that Mommy was sorry and I rocked him while he cried until I saw a smile spread across his face. That made me feel better. In that moment my baby boy cheered me up.
I'm a working mom. Every morning we both get ready for the day and I drop him off with Grandma and I go to work. I work only 5 mins away so that brings me some comfort but I still find myself missing him during the day. I'm surrounded by pictures of him all over my desk and I look at them often throughout the day. When I look at him I feel as if my heart might explode from all the love I feel.
You see he was an answered prayer. I was dianogised with reduced ovarian reserve basically I don't have the number of eggs I should have for at the time a 32 year old women and that my chances of concieving with my own eggs was low and egg donation was presented to me very early. I felt as if someone had kicked me in the stomach. My husband and I had been trying for 2 years prior and had just been told months before to keep trying for another 6 months but then the blood tests came back and every thing kicked into high gear. All the medicines and doctors visits. Poking and prodding at times on a daily basis. We badly wanted to be parents and we prayed regularly. 3 failed IUIs and 1 failed IVF later God opened my womb and I became pregnant. Every step of the way I diffied the odds against me and surprised my doctor several times. I was given the highest dosage of meds and my body was pushed to the limits and the Lord was with me throughout the journey through infertility.
It's funny because I think back to how I cried over every failed pregnancy test and every time my cycle started because I knew we had failed that month, but I couldn't of imagined what I was crying over. When I look in Cameron's eyes I'm filled with a love that only the Lord feels for me and I will never feel that type of love for another living person. He is my masterpiece and my greatest work. I don't know if my husband and I will concieve again. I pray we do but Cameron is enough if we are not blessed to have another child. Motherhood is not easy and I can only imagine the challenges of raising a child today but with God's help we will be fine.
I will continue to pray for my family and I will work everyday to make life better for him because the Lord entrusted him to me and my husband. I want to use my passion to build a business so I can not only be an example to my son but leave him something behind when I'm no longer here to provide for him. I pray one day I can have that business that will allow me better work hours so I can spend more time with him without sacrifing our lifestyle too much. I will pray for him everyday. I realize that he has only been loaned to me for a little while and I will cherish him always. I love being a mom even though as I said it's still new. But I wouldn't have it any other way.