I honestly can't find the right words to explain what I was feeling the past days as I was transitioning my son to his first few days of "school" experience. Ofcourse, there is that wonderful feeling of joy and excitement as I witness this milestone in my son's life. But there is also that feeling of anxiety and of facing the reality of detachment.
I've been a hands-on mom eversince my son was born. No nannies and no extended family to depend on. I took care of him from day 1 of his life. And everyday for the past 4 years, it was my way of doing things for him. I knew in an instant if he was hungry... if he needed a nap... if he wanted something ... if he needed comfort... or what toy he wanted to play with...
We were practically together 24/7. We have our stressful moments of course... in fact, a lot of times. But we also have our precious moments - like getting a hug out of nowhere... hearing him say, "i love you, mommy!" just when I'm feeling tired after a full day's chores and responsibilities.
Suddenly, he is going to school. Even if he will only be away from me for four hours a day, I can't help thinking if he was okay. But ofcourse, those four hours are also a great way for me to unwind, be on my own for a while, and enjoy me-time... but instead, I find myself often looking at the clock wishing it's time to pick him up.
The great thing about it though is that, being apart from my son for a while makes me miss him even more - enough to make each moment count whenever I am finally with him. And everytime I would pick him up and he would see me, I can sense he feels the same way.
It's only his first week in school but already I am learning so much about this new phase of motherhood. I know this is just the start of more changes to come. But one thing I am sure of... my love for my son will never change. It will grow even more as we journey through the different milestones in his life.