My First True Love: A Letter to my Teenage Son

Dedicated to my oldest son, Brandon

We met face-to-face for the first time what seems like yesterday, but years have passed, and I have known you for a lifetime. You have led me on a remarkable journey through this forest of existence, and have taught me to cherish every detail. You have guided my feet toward a less traveled pathway, and on it, you have opened my eyes to a world full of treasures all others have taken for granted, cast aside or completely ignored.

I knew of you before our initial encounter. Your presence shadowed my youth and enchanted my every thought. Your spirit meandered through my mind and tickled my mothering instincts in my early adult years. Fantasy manifested your silhouette, as we danced nightly in my dreams.

In my mind, I cradled your frame and struggled to bring you into focus, but the intense glow behind you commanded your features obscured. I had always wondered when reality would bring you to my conscious arms. As I matured, I kept my hopes of you alive. As an adult, I carried out my daily tasks with work and school, social life and family. Finally, the prospect of our rendezvous became reality. My innermost void filled as your thriving presence made itself known with faint whispers of internal motion. Still, I fell in love with a dream too distant to be genuine.

After a few months time, though, the whispers escalated to rhythmic, seemingly choreographed, movements. I pressed my hands to my abdomen, felt the gentle sways and we dance together just as I had dreamed.

An eternity of days had past. We were mere moments away from our formal introduction, yet I felt lost in the uncertainty of it all. My body had been tormented by twisting, wrenching, intolerable pain for so long, I thought I had lost my chance to see your face. Then, your cry cut through the agony and filled my strength with the courage of a thousand soldiers. All I could hear was your voice beckoning to me from across the room.

After the longest moments I had ever experienced, you were presented to me swaddled in a receiving blanket, exposing only your face. Through tears of pain and joy, I looked into your eyes. A sense of peace flooded my entire being, and the world stood still. Every visible object and every audible distraction in the periphery was drowned out by the silence shared between us . . . I lost myself.

We maintained an uninterrupted gaze as your eyes penetrated my physical features and captured my very soul. I thought to myself, “How could one little face capture and breathe new meaning into the mere essence of every wonder in this world?” All my yesterdays had become the sands absorbed in the tidal waters and cast out into the Forgotten Sea. All that mattered in life was from this moment on. I held, in my arms, proof that life was meant to be.


Written by: Angela McCoy of Mom's Fortress of Solitude

Views: 2

Tags: Mother, baby, child, expecting, memories, memory, parenting, pregnancy, pregnant, son, More…wanting

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