I think I’m going to start a new business. I’ll call it “Off Momma Betting (OMB)”. We can wager on all sorts of things. Which kids will wind up in jail, which ones will graduate, who’s going to wind up on Jersey Shore 2020. Short odds say little boy A will marry little girl B based on how hard she walloped him.
This is a brilliant idea. I’ll run it out of the PTA closet; we all secretly gossip there anyway. I mean seriously, when presented with 500 kids and 30 parents, there’s gotta be some juicy stuff going down. Maybe OMB will bring all the gossip to light? We can cure all societal ills.
For instance, if there even odds that Momma A’s boobs are fake, maybe Momma A might think to cover them puppies up. Or Momma B and Daddy Z are sneaking kisses in the parking lot; just send the corresponding spouses to the closet to find out their odds. It eliminates all the pesky “do I tell her” morality issues. As an added bonus, all profits for OMB will be earmarked for education.
But guess what! School is out tomorrow for the summer. I won’t have to mess with any other mommas unless I want to! Odds are I’m one happy Momma.