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One of the standing items on my "to-do" list for the past couple of years has been to get passports for my twins.  (Cause ya just never know when you might need to skip the country, right?)  I knew it was gonna be a huge hassle, which is the main reason I've put it off for so long.  But, in true Nucking Futs Family tradition, it ended up to be an even BIGGER pain in the ass than I had even anticipated.

As you probably know, the U.S. government now requires BOTH parents to be present for a child's passport application process.  Because of this, one would think that the appointment times would take people's work schedules into account.  But no can do.  Your choices are any time between the oh-so-convenient hours of 10 AM and 3 PM, Monday through Friday only.  You can just imagine how happy my husband was to have to take off early on a Monday afternoon.

We had filled out the necessary forms ahead of time and got to the post office surprisingly early (we are ALWAYS late for everything).  And would you believe we were told to wait until the passport dude got back?  Seriously??!!  Even though MY HUSBAND HAD LEFT WORK EARLY FOR THIS STUPID APPOINTMENT, the passport dude had evidently decided to step out.  How nice for him.  We silently cursed under our breaths as we waited impatiently in the 500 degree lobby.

Luckily, once the dude finally sauntered back into the office, the whole process only took about 15 minutes, start to finish.  It was so quick, in fact, that I was convinced we had forgotten something.  I mean, this was the government after all, and NOTHING is quick with them.  Passport Dude assured me, though, that we had filled out all the necessary paperwork and were good to go.

Two weeks later, we received the passports in the mail and discovered that we were by no means good to go.  The jackasses had put my son's picture on my daughter's passport and my daughter's picture on my son's passport!!!!  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??!!  Didn't anybody happen to check to see that the boy's photo went with the "MALE" application and that the girl's photo went with the "FEMALE" application?  My dog could even figure that shit out!

So I marched back over to the post office and stood in another 500 degree line for over a half an hour, only for the lady at the counter to tell me that I had to call the government passport office to get it resolved.  I truly wanted to smack her.  Why did this have to be sooooooooooo damn DIFFICULT???!!!

I finally got a hold of someone who is supposedly mailing me a prepaid envelope to return the screwed-up passports.  Once they receive them, they will expedite the corrected passports back to me.  But judging from their current history of reliability, I fully expect to receive Bert and Ernie's passports in the mail.  I'll keep y'all posted.....

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