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I am so not perfect. Um...just in case any of you thought otherwise.

You see, I have this rebelliousness issue. Ask my mom. Ask my best friends. Especially ask my husband.

It's mostly that I tend to rebel against the status quo. I can't stand "typical," and I strive to be anything but. I just always have. And I think it would take years of deep (costly) therapy to find the underlying reasons why.

I also hate being told how to be, what to do, and how things should be done. It makes me want to, well rebel. To do the exact opposite.

I want to prove that I am my own person. That I am in charge of me, and that I will do things my way, thank you very much.

I'm a tricky one. I love hearing other people's opinions. I relish in the wisdom of those I admire. But, it has to be given to me in such a certain way. In the way of sharing, not telling. Especially not in the way of demanding.

I once broke up with a guy because he told me he wanted the life of the typical American Dream. He would work, his wife would stay home cooking dinner, tending to the house, and taking care of the kids...all the while surrounded by a white picket fence. I freaked and ran the opposite direction.

Right into the arms of Jimmy, who seemingly loved my rebellious ways. I was not shy about being very clear about who I was.

On our first date, I stuck my gum under the table. On our second date, I talked about poop. On our third date, I told him I hated cooking and that I never wanted to be "that" kind of housewife. With each rebellious confession, he got more and more googly eyed at me, and two months later he proposed.

Five years later, I'm a stay at home mom with two kids.

Okay, so yes, I've always wanted to be home with my kids. I have always known this and would tell anybody who would listen. It's just that I wanted to do it on my terms. And though I love being with my kids, I feel a bit rebellious at times. I just can't handle that I've fallen into "typical." (Not that typical's bad....it's just that it's uncomfortable for me.)

So maybe that's why I don't want to cook. Just so that there is something that separates me from the status quo. Or maybe not cooking makes me feel like I have some say in how I do things as a "housewife." Or maybe it's as simple as I hate cooking. Who knows.

I don't know what the issue is. I just know that I want to be home with my kids. I want to raise them and love them and not miss a single moment of their everyday lives. Complain as I will, I love it. But, does the job have to come with cooking? Is it so wrong to want part of the job but not the other half?

Is this kind of a life working for other people?

Is it possible to be a stay at home mom without being a housewife?

Or am I just a rebel without a cause?





© 2009 "Le Musings of Moi"

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