So The Poop can clap. And she can wave. Never in front of the audience I've just bigged her up to, but when there's not a soul about to witness it she'll wave, chat and solve mathematical equations till the cows come home.
But she cannot grasp this crawling stuff. Forwards anyway. She can back up like a good 'un. She can whizz round in a circle like something gone wrong. She can go from sitting up to all fours in a matter of milliseconds. She can do the crab while reciting Shakespeare. But CRAWL FORWARDS? You're having a laugh.
Since she was five months old, Boo has been able to traverse the floor, backwards, and everyone who saw her assured me she would be crawling the following week. That was three months ago. And she isn't crawling. So what happened? Well? I don't have the patience for this. I want it sorting.
I've tried all the little tricks - my hands behind her feet when she's on all fours, putting her down in front of a wall, doing it myself and getting her to watch, putting a toy in front of her to entice her forward. No joy. I've even tried actually manipulating her legs so she gets the idea of how to move, but she just cries at me like this must be another gem from Gina Ford. Or the Rose West School Of Parenting. I always confuse those two.