|This first snowfall a couple of months ago looks almost silly at this point!
I wrote this a few weeks ago but only got around posting today...
Today the snow fell all day, probably 6- 9 inches. It has been a snowy, cold winter so far but it's not bothering me one bit. Usually I complain a lot about being cold, about the snow, about winter, a California girl thru and thru, I always talk about how pleasant California weather is. But not this year, not even when it has been messy or inconvenient. Today, when I woke up to a snow day and ...no school, I went about my day, writing, paying bills, entertaining the kids, cooking, cleaning up after the boys etc... I found myself wondering out loud why this year, the winter has not bothered me one bit. I have been thinking isn't it odd I think how pretty it all is, how the cold is really not that big a deal. And then it hit me.
|Luke in the hospital for his second transplant surgery.
For the last five years, I have spent literally every winter and spring and summer in a hospital in Toronto or in New York with my one or more of m children having surgery. But the winters are the worst by far. The cold, dark walks between the hospital and the hotel where I would escape just for 30 mins to change clothes, grab a shower, shed a tears in private.
I have nursed them, changed their dressings, answered their questions, restricted their physical activity, waited to see if transplants worked, celebrated when they did and despaired when one failed. I have worried, I have been angry. I have learned what it meant to literally be blind with exhaustion and sick with fear. I have cursed the heavens and I have thanked God for my husband.
And so today on a beautiful wintery day, I am grateful. Sooo, soo grateful and lucky. This year we have no surgery scheduled (fingers crossed). How wonderful just to be. When it snows a lot, it is oh so quiet. Quiet and beautiful and peaceful. Below is a recap of our surgery schedule for the last few years. It really is incredible when I look back.
january 2009-- zack transplant surgery
april 2009 -- zack transplant surgery
feb 2010 -- luke transplant surgery
july -- 2010 -- luke transplant surgery
jan 2011 -- luke hearing implants
feb. 2011 transplant surgery -- griffin del
june 2011 transplant surgery -- griffin del
april- 2012 -- luke implant repair
june 2013 -- luke tendon transplant and griffin del transplant repair (same day)
Living in a constant state of stress because of health issues is something every mother of a child with medical challenges faces and so it is nice to remember what it is like just to be normal and worry about mundane challenges like weather etc... It gives you clarity and makes you realize how important it is to take time to relax and be normal again if even for just a day. So no matter what your week or year is like, take that moment to regroup. Turn everything off and close our eyes, ask someone for help so you can get back in there refreshed and ready to meet the road ahead again.