It is terrific to learn that life will get better even though the it may take time. The modern world in which we live often moves quickly from one event to the next. However, some of the most important things in life have to be lived, dealt with and handled slowly, carefully and cannot be rushed. I have learned over the course of time that when a big problem or bad situation happens there are several steps that I go through:
- the problem occurs
- have reaction to the problem
- hypothesize solutions to the problem
- solve the problem
- move past the problem
In my life, there is no set time period for me to remain at each step. Depending upon the severity of the problem any one of the steps may last a longer period of time than the others. For example if I drop a plate on the floor I can go through the whole process in mere seconds. When I am dealing with cases of sibling rivalry between my children it may take hours to get through the whole process. Further when a major life altering problem occurs, it may take months or years to move from start to end in the process. For me, the process takes what the process takes. However, I have learned that no matter how big or important the problem and consequences, people want you to hurry up and get over it.
I have had some interesting reactions from people as a result of a recent personal tragedy:
- You and your children were in a hit and run accident, ok you are still alive, move on
- You witnessed your children laying in the street injured and potentially permanently injured, ok, keep going
- Your child is injured and will have a long recovery ahead, ok get over it
- You are receiving insurmountable medical bills you cannot pay, it's ok, don't worry about it
- You just experienced the worst day of your life, ok move past it
Let me jut say, I don't like these reactions and the people who have given them to me will not be troubled by hearing my full and honest answers to their questions about the incident again. I have a new response for them, " things are going as expected." This response is honest and it gives the questioner sufficient information to allow her to move her on as she desires.
I am not advocating that one wallow in a problem forever. Nor am I advising people to remain in the moment of the tragedy for ever. If a major problem occurs, go through the process I listed above. It will help you move immediately experiencing the problem to moving past the problem in a focused organized manner. I am advising that you take the time you need to go from one step to the next. Do not rush to heal or get over it in order to meet the schedules or expectations of those around you. Proper healing happens when it happens, it cannot be rushed along without care for the person involved. If as you go from one step in the problem process to the next, if you find that you are having a difficult time or that moving forward is taking longer than you feel comfortable with experiencing, seek professional assistance.
- Photo Credit: Janeane Davis, Problem Solving
Additionally, I am advising those who come in contact with a person dealing with a problem to stop telling the person to get over it. Stop advising a person trying to resolve a problem to just be done with it all. The process takes, what the process takes. It is wrong for you to expect a person dealing with a major problem to go from problem to putting the problem behind her in a matter of just a few days. If you are sick of hearing about it, be compassionate, change the subject, get off the phone or make up a busy project to avoid hearing about it more than you feel is appropriate. In this situation, be kind rather than being expedient.
In conclusion, it is terrific to learn that life will get better one day, so hang in there take your time. So, the question for you today is, are you pushing people to hurry up and get over it?