Yesterday, I had a feeling: "I wasnt doing anything", and I felt some sort of guilt. There for ; there is a reason for all the things I lived and know now that II dont have to go through the same things over and over..
Let me explain.
When Lucas got sick, back in 2007, every minute of my life couldn´t stay still. Since I can remember, after I finished college I was already working at two schools and in the meantime had 3 small children and a husband who also needs an investment of time. While pregnant with my last baby, I worked until the due date of my pregnancy. I used to ran from school to my home. I was exhausted. You cannot work all day long, carrying a pregnancy, three young children, and be a wolf at night haha. I ended the day destroyed, but it seems that I never would have known, that the salary could not compensate certain things, until I had to brake suddenly, and without air-bag.
Suddenly everything became nothing.
I was not able to work, almost never had the time to be with my girls, bye bye husband, all I could do was wait that the days pass. we travel to Buenos Aires, Argentina to look and find "Hope" and there I was; lonely, with Lucas.
On the year and a half of the fighting; there were about three months of hospitalization, 50 days of chemotherapy and days in wich I couldn´t wait for Friday and go to hospital to do a CBC to Lucas. That was my full schedule agenda. Monday to Thursday, nothing, nothing. Only to be with Lucas and took care of him.
I was in a different country, away from everything. I dont like watching TV. I dont like reading. I just like talking. And I had no one to talk, even though God had given me some friends, they had their ''normal'' lives. And I could not use the phone to call them because I had no money for international calls. I had no computer, or internet.
We could not go for a walk, Lucas was not able to go with me not even to the supermarket.
It was there where the only one who could listen endlessly was God.
And yesterday after I remember that, I thought, sure I'm doing something!
I am at home, I slept in my bed, send my 12 years old daughter to school, bathe my 3 year old baby, hugged my little girl of six and cook for all of them. They dont watch any Tv show, that I dont know what it is. They did not open any website, without me having control of it. If they have any question, I get to answer them. True, I'm not working, but I wouldnt have change this for anything. I learned that to be quiet is also doing something. Specially when we cannot change anything, just wait for God to do his thing.