Most of our RMC family celebrated Mother’s Day last week and I hope that it was a wonderful day for you. Mother’s Day is one of my favorite holidays. It is nice to see how we celebrate mothers. One of the ways that I try to honor my mother is not bringing up things on her special day about past issues. I think that is a small sacrifice that a person can make on the behalf of another one.
Over the course of my life, I have learned that the past cannot be changed. I know that as people, when something tragic happens to us, we have a tendency to hold onto those memories and that fear. I am not an expert in the mental health field, so I cannot give you a professional’s advice. One of the things that I can say to you, as a seasoned individual and someone who wasted a lot of time holding on to things she could not change, is that it is not healthy.
I will not bore you with all the things that have happened in my life with this message about letting go. I am a big Tyler Perry fan. I love all of the movies that he produces even the ones that are not the best. I love them because there is a message in every movie. One of my favorite movies that he has produced is called Diary of A Mad Black Woman. For those of you who are not familiar with this story, it is about a woman whose husband traded her in for a new model in the cruelest of ways.
Over the years, every time I was hurt, burned, used, or abused, I chose to carry that with me. I used to spend hours on the phone talking to friends, family, the dog and cat about my wouldas, shouldas. couldas and how if only this or that had not happened. Anyone who would listen to how I had been wronged from a childhood to adulthood, I was ringing their phone. I just could not move on from what I thought was life’s biggest injustice. Even in the wake of some of the most horrible things that were happening in the world, I did not think that anyone’s pain could have been greater than mine. I know it was selfish. I can admit that now, but at the time, my pain was so real that I could not see in the grand scheme of things, my life has never been that bad.
So one day, I was watching Dairy of A Mad Black Woman for the 50th time I am sure, I started to really listen to the message in the movie. Yes it is comical, emotional and all the highs and lows that movies use to reel you in but there was a message in the movie which could be used in any situation.
Myrtle: You know I know this man put a hurtin’ on you baby, but you’ve got to forgive him. No matter what he done, you’ve got to forgive him – not for him, but for you. Helen: Forgive him for me? Myrtle: When somebody hurts you they take power over you, if you don’t forgive them then they keeps the power. Forgive him baby and after you forgive him, forgive yourself.
Wow! What a message. What if I took that and used it to fit my life’s aches and pains? What if I forgave people for the things that were holding me back? What if I let go?
As we start off another week, I would love for you to think about what you are holding onto that could be holding you back? You might be one of those people who have never held on to anything and my hat goes off to you but if you are like me, there is something that needs to go.
Are you holding on to lost love? I was and the funny thing is once I let it go, I looked back on the relationship and it was one of the worst relationships I have had to date. I think I was holding onto the way that it ended. And if you think about it, there is no magic clock, so you can’t turn back the hands of time. And if there was, there is no guarantee that the ending would be any different. So why was I holding onto something that I could not change or fix? Why was I holding on to something that was not relevant to my situation now?
Are you holding onto a strenuous relationship with a relative? or anything else?