Things were so busy this fall that I forgot to put myself on the list. I am sure I'm not alone, but it's so hard to relearn it, to pick up that routine again. I also find that when I am not taking good care of myself, I get tired of taking care of the kids. Don't get me wrong, I love reading them stories, cuddling, playing with toys and things like that, it's the tedious stuff that starts to get tiring. Changing diapers, snacks and brushing teeth to name the top few. Running out of milk again and again starts to grate on my nerves and it's ridiculous because I am the one letting it happen.
The master of my own destruction, I tell you.
Then, I get annoyed that nothing is clean/we have no food/my body is lazy and out of shape, and then I get annoyed because it's my fault, and then I start the blame game, and then I am in a SUPER BAD MOOD.
My sweet husband made me go to an Al-Anon meeting the other night (families and friends of alcoholics) and my rusty Al-Anon wheels started to turn again- do the next right thing. Take care of yourself, and the rest will follow. Keep it simple.
I get locked up by trying to be perfect all the time (hilarious because when I try to be perfect all the time, I end up climbing under the covers, so, the opposite is achieved). But when I get into this little nothing-is-good-enough spiral, nothing gets done at all. Everything stops moving forward. Sometimes what helps me break out of it is to do something that has been on my to-do list for a long time. Like getting rid of the changer in the kid's room and moving their clothes to the dresser. I cleaned and rearranged and felt like I had climbed a mountain. And really it only took about an hour. It also helps me to do something for someone else. So, I cleaned up our bedroom to give Scott a little love boost. His love language, we established long, long ago before we got married, is acts of service. Specifically: CLEAN EVERYTHING.
And we are still married. You will find that hilarious if you know me well.
So I did those things, and they started to turn my engine over a little. Still, everyday, I keep thinking: do the next right thing... for ME. So, am I hungry? Then stop everything and eat before I take my grumpiness out on everyone and turn into a martyr. Will we ever leave the house if I have everything we could ever possibly need? No. Just go. There are stores and drive thrus, we aren't taking a trip to the outback. And pretty much Al-Anon and exercise go over and over through my brain. I am one meeting down and I stretched for five minutes this morning. So obviously I am at the starting gate. But I am here to say- I struggle, to put myself on my own list. Even when life isn't all that busy and hectic, I forget to do the work and keep up on myself. But when I do, the world gets brighter and easier for those I love, because they aren't straining and scrambling to try to lift my mood all the time. That isn't their job, anyway.
So, off I go to get the kids out of this house. Their teeth aren't brushed and nobody has socks or shoes on, and I have no idea what I am going to bring for snacks, but we are leaving anyway. I will just dump a bunch of stuff we might need in the back and we will have a good time anyway.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. It would be awesome if you would tell me how you try to take care of yourself, too. I need lots of ideas to get this machine into motion!