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That Amish Barbie is waaay too sexy for her prayer cap

I'll admit it. Imaginative play with my children usually ends up in disaster. My kids are bossy and their bossiness combined with my lack of imagination, short attention span and dislike for being told what to make MY toy say makes certain types of play un-fun.

At a young age we nicknamed Peyton the "toy dictator" because of his bossiness when playing GI Joe, transformers, spiderman or whatever little man action figure he was obsessed with at the time. At age nine he has grown out of this type of play but in his footsteps Paige has followed. She is known as the TOY CZAR.

Playing barbies with her is a true test of patience.

"MOMMY! make your barbie say let's go get a tattoo!"

I'm like what? A tattoo? "Paige I am NOT allowing these barbies to go to some seedy tattoo parlor!" (I'm fine with tatoos but seriously don't want her going off to kindergarten saying to her friends "Oh yeah? Well MY mommy and me pretend our barbies go to Tatoos R Us.")

She goes "MOMEEEE, SAY IT!" (In sort of growly tonish voice)

Obviously she is not going to let me discipline her barbies. So I try another approach.

In barbie voice I say "No, Chloe I don't want a tattoo that would HURT. I want to go to the movies instead."

Paige isn't falling for it. She glares at me. So, I make my barbie freak out at the imaginary tattoo parlor and run screaming around with stiff arms above her head.

Paige gets way pissed a little irritated. I decide to distract her with a barbie makeover. But that pesky,sarcastic, quirky side to my personality rises to join the fun and the makeover doesn't go exactly the way Paige has in mind.

I twist barbie's long blonde hair into a bun and tie a black mini-skirt onto her head. Hmmm I think to myself. It looks just like a...a....a....AMISH PRAYER CAP! I have a tad bit of an obsession with the Amish.

Ohhhhh, I get all excited and start flinging barbie clothes around looking for dark, demure drab colored clothing.

Do ya'll know it's nearly impossble to make a barbie look Amish???

I did my best but that barbie still looked waaaaaaay too sexy to be amish. I decided to attempt making an amish boy. This is what happens when you stay home with your children entirely too much and read a whole lotta Amish fiction. Meet Sadie and Jonas Yoder:

By this time Peyton had caught wind that there was some big time barbie action going on. But I had to boot him out after he kept making my Amish boy barbie jump on Ken barbie yelling "your going down sucka!" I tried to explain that Amish people didn't believe in violence but he just looks at me with a blank stare.

I think we were done with barbie play when I added Leah Yoder to the mix who I explained to Paige was going through Rumspringa, the time when young Amish teens explore the outside world.

At this point Paige had reached borderline psychotic levels of impatience and she grabbed the Rumspringa barbie tossed it at me yelling through her clenched baby teeth "MOMEEEE, TAKE YOUR PALMSPRINGA BARBIE AND MAKE HER GO GET A TATOO!! NOW!" I didn't even stop to correct her calling Leah Yoder Palmspringa barbie instead of Rumspringa. I just ducked as Leah Rumspringa barbie came flying toward my head.

Sheez. I thought transforming barbies into Amish works of art would be sorta educational. Remind me to never attempt homeschooling.

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