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There are so many waiting periods when you are pregnant, but once you have had a miscarriage and have started to chart to become pregnant and become crazy with all things fertility and the first trimester, in particular, is a waiting game like no other. You see, according to the baby doctors, the chance of miscarriage after the first trimester, or 12 weeks, is less than 1%. Those are pretty good odds in pregoland. The first 12 weeks are like a crap shoot in my opinion. Not good.

Let’s review. Many think that as many as 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage before implantation successfully occurs. Hey – this is a VERY sensitive process going on. When it happens this early and you test with the new crazy detect your pregnancy before even God knows tests, you can have a positive pregnancy test that gradually turns to negative as implantation fails. Because these tests are awesome at decreasing the 2-week wait (time between doing the deed and missing your period) they also can make you think you are going to be pregnant when it is really a bust. At this early stage I have heard this called a chemical pregnancy. Check. I had this. I had a pregnancy test and thought I might be pregnant because I start to bump into things as soon as I am prego. Also once you have been pregnant you sort of just know. I took a test and BAM! Pregnant. This is what the test said. Uh oh – we were not trying. I totally freaked my hubby out and then bought another test with lines to save money and the line was very faint. Hell…it’s a box of two, I’ll test in the morning when the pee pee is stronger. By the morning the line was gone. I went in for a blood test and my HCG (the pregnancy hormone) was at 20. Normally it would be almost nothing unless I was in menopause. Preggers it would be 25 and over. So I was sorta prego. But I was not anymore. While unplanned, I was still really upset. Why you ask was I upset so early?

Well, early after implantation, the risk drops to about 30%. Then between 4-6 weeks the risk drops to about 25%. Then supposedly after the heartbeat is seen at around the 8 week mark, the risk drops to about 5%. I was in that 5%. Between Sophia and Miles we lost a baby at 9 1/2 weeks and it was the most horrible experience of my life. I miscarried the baby by myself in the bathroom of my room at the ER because Ross was at home with Sophia. They then wheeled me to the ultrasound area and forgot me for more than an hour. After the technician finally confirmed the miscarriage I was then left on my bed in the hallway (with no pads or anything) with only the thinnest blanket to wait again for almost an hour, for someone to get me. It was 4 a.m. when I got home to tell Ross. I saw the little baby in the sac when it happened. I told Ross this and he was shocked and so upset for us. Like I said, it was devastating.

Now, every day, I think about getting past the 12 week mark, when the risk of miscarriage drops to less than 1%. I will have another ultrasound and then I will be able to hear the heartbeat with Doppler. Then the wondering and worrying can stop. Because now that I have lost a baby, I can’t stop worrying that something will go wrong. Worrying that something is wrong. And worrying in this case that it may be awhile before we can agree to get pregnant again. (yada yada this economy, the stress, what a freak I am for the first 12 weeks).

So in addition to the 2-week wait and the 40-week wait and the 18-week wait (Girl or Boy?) there is the 12-week wait, which I am in. It will end (or at least my worry will decrease) after my next scheduled ultrasound the end of July.

I am 9 weeks 2 days today. I am freaking out. I have had some spotting. In 25% of pregnanies this is normal. I think this numbers game sucks! I may just call my OB tomorrow because I may NEED to know that this week, the week when I lost my last angel baby, I have not lost this one.

I am spending the night praying for a healthy baby and checking another day off my calendar.

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Comment by joeypouch on December 30, 2009 at 2:17pm
Brittany,
I just blogged about something similar. About motherhood, loss etc, http://www.confessionsofanewmother.blogspot.com/
Let me know what you think. Prayers for your little one - one more day down xx

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