I gave myself a deadline, if you will, for weaning Aidan from breastfeeding. I did this because I am a planner and I like to do things in a well thought out and calculated manner. Giving myself the deadline of Memorial Day Weekend planted a seed in my mind that said in March and April I needed to pump pump pump and freeze as much breast milk as possible so that he could still have breast milk, just not from the “tap.” Then, in May, I’d start replacing one breastfeeding with a bottle in a well-timed fashion to allow for as little trauma to my boo and my boobies as possible. That’s the plan in my head, anyway.
After nearly a week of straight nursing during the photo shoot in Connecticut and then nearly another week of straight nursing while he had his first cold, I began to wonder…am I really ready to wean him? I know Memorial Day is over 2 months away, but with how fast time is flying by it will be here before I know it. I am also fully aware that bathing suit season is coinciding with this deadline and I am choosing to ignore that fact for the moment. Back to breast milk…
I was never a Mom that wanted to nurse my baby for a really long time. I just wanted to nurse him for as long as it made sense for us. It took me so long to get him to fully nurse after he was born that I feel like he and I have won this badge of breastfeeding bravado or something. We were in the trenches together and came out stronger and closer. He’ll be a little over 9 months by the time Memorial Day Weekend rolls around and I feel that nursing him for 9 months is an appropriate and healthy length of time. I also feel that Mommy deserves to have her body back to herself for a little while before we decide to make Aidan a little brother or sister. I am more than a factory of babies and breast milk and I would like to have the summer to be free of leakages and letdowns and explore my non-Mommy abilities.
The problem is, I will miss that closeness. That quiet time where he and I are connected. I will also miss the convenience. Oh, he’s hungry? Well, here’s lunch! Like I said, we worked so damn hard for it that it is tough to think of not having it anymore.
The other problem is…I’m a big weenie when it comes to weaning anything. He’s still getting up in the night and I’m still nursing him when he does. We’re working on that…I swear. We attempted a cry-it-out session the other night and I caved. With the overall breastfeeding wean, I’m worried that when my boobies get all swelled up and ready to burst that I’ll either pump or nurse just to relieve my own pain. I’ve heard it sucks. It hurts. Cabbage or no cabbage. I know the pain, too, because I’ve gone hours on end without pumping or nursing and felt like I needed to pop the girls like water balloons.
So, by summertime he will be completely weaned from breastfeeding. He’s grown out of everything else, though…clothes, gear, etc…perhaps when my “deadline” rolls around it will be the right time for us to both outgrow this time and move on to another phase of his little life. And perhaps Mommy will be able to have a margarita on the deck without thought or worry to its effect on his feeding schedule…only its affect on Mommy’s waistline. It will be good for both of us, but I’ll always remember and cherish our nursing days.