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10 Ways to Spend More Time in Nature

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The bits people dont tell you about labour ...

Now here comes the part where your contractions became just one long painnnnn ..

Isn't it amazing how the nicest person in the world can at this moment turn into a raging psycho just at the words " push "

Now this is the point where every part of me wants to punch that smug ,out of pain, not flu flu stretching bitch of a midwife in the face .. but instead I just settle with " I'm fucking pushing 

 " ok .. now this is definitely a bit not one single person mentioned... shitting yourself!!

It's not bad enough that you have your legs in the arm, making noises a werewolf would be proud off , they then have to add the whole shitting yourself into the mix ..

so not only have I thought about punching this poor nurse in the mouth, completely abuse her with the fuck word, I have now shit in her face ... 

Before I was praying the pain would stop but now I don't want it to end ! That way I don't have to look my shitty covered nurse in the face ... 

Still clutching on to the gas and air ... 

i hear " hes stuck, were going to have to cut you " now any other time this would obviously send immense panic to any female realizing that her beautiful lady garden is about to be carved like a piece of kebab hanging from its skewer ( ha ha couldn't help myself there  )  but let me tell you at this point i didn't care if if they tied rope around him got a car to tow him out ... i needed this baby out ... 

But you know what ... once they laid this tiny beautiful boy on me.. i can tell you right now he was worth the pain and the shame of shitting in someones face 

love hold my head in shame yes i ve shit myself mum xxx

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Oh my dear lord above.. nobody told me about the giving birth bit !!! 

All I heard was the romantic story of the true love you feel when you hold your baby, don't get me wrong that bit is unbelievable true .

But they forgot to mention the agony of getting that baby out !!

Period pain feeling .. my arse !! Let me tell you this straight if you have period pains like that then you seriously need to go straight to A&E ..

And all the people that said I didn't use any pain relief.. hell to the fucking no.. do not listen to these people that got through it just breathing .. there was no way I was doing those birth breathing exercises.. fuck me jesus h Christ at one point I forgot how to regular breath ..

The midwife asked in her soft spoken voice " why don't you try the gas and the air for the pain " at this moment I grab this plastic tube from her hand, like a addict that just saw its fix .. and that was it .. it became mineeee !! If anyone came near I would growl like some wild animal protecting its catch !

Now here comes the part where your contractions became just one long painnnnn ..

Isn't it amazing how the nicest person in the world can at this moment turn into a raging psycho just at the words " push "

Now this is the point where every part of me wants to punch that smug ,out of pain, not flu flu stretching bitch of a midwife in the face .. but instead I just settle with " I'm fucking pushing 

 " ok .. now this is definitely a bit not one single person mentioned... shitting yourself!!

It's not bad enough that you have your legs in the arm, making noises a werewolf would be proud off , they then have to add the whole shitting yourself into the mix ..

so not only have I thought about punching this poor nurse in the mouth, completely abuse her with the fuck word, I have now shit in her face ... 

Before I was praying the pain would stop but now I don't want it to end ! That way I don't have to look my shitty covered nurse in the face ... 

Still clutching on to the gas and air ... 

i hear " hes stuck, were going to have to cut you " now any other time this would obviously send immense panic to any female realizing that her beautiful lady garden is about to be carved like a piece of kebab hanging from its skewer ( ha ha couldn't help myself there  )  but let me tell you at this point i didn't care if if they tied rope around him got a car to tow him out ... i needed this baby out ... 

But you know what ... once they laid this tiny beautiful boy on me.. i can tell you right now he was worth the pain and the shame of shitting in someones face 

love hold my head in shame yes i ve shit myself mum xxx

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