Do you ever wanna just walk away from your kids in public and act like you don't know who the hell they are? No? Surely that's not just me. Call me Mommy Dearest if you will, but when my kids have a brain fart and act like complete Neanderthals who've never heard of manners, I sometimes think it would be easier to point and stare and pretend like I'm disgusted by the horrible excuse of a parent who would allow her children to behave so poorly.
This is exactly what I would liked to have done over the weekend to my cranky, over-tired pip squeaks. You see, my husband and I spontaneously decided to take the kids on an overnight adventure in downtown Chicago. We just knew they'd be super-jazzed about being able to swim in a hotel pool when it's colder than snot outside. Plus, we thought it would be fun to tootle around Navy Pier a bit.
And sure enough, they were giddy with glee about doing something out of the ordinary and being able to stay up late giggling and jumping on the beds without getting into trouble. But by the next morning, that very same giddiness had turned into straight-up grouchiness. Mr. and Mrs. Sour Puss were a barrel of fun and good times at breakfast when they complained about every little thing under the moon. Honestly, how can you possibly bitch about chocolate chip pancakes??!! There was a kicking war going on under the table, and my son appeared to have never held a fork and knife in his life as he stabbed and poked at his food like it was a dead raccoon on the side of the road.
I seriously considered joining the lively table of twenty-somethings sitting near us so I could ditch the buzz kills at our booth. Here we were having this lovely family outing in the city, and our kids were trying to take a big old dump on the whole experience. Well this mama just wasn't gonna have it! So with the help of a few threats about skipping the giant ferris wheel and driving their little booties straight back to the 'burbs, those frowns magically turned upside down, and we finished our breakfast without disturbing too much of the peace.
Now perhaps I was hallucinating, but I swear I heard applause as we were exiting the restaurant. I silently patted myself on the back for my awesome parenting skills at busting some balls, until I realized that they were likely cheering because we were finally leaving. Doh!